It's safer if you haven't text me at all

Hi guys! How are y'all doing?

I'm here right now, writing my blog cause my mind has jumbled up.

It was about 6pm when I looked at the text that he sent me..it was around 2pm?
I kinda had forgotten who he is cause I've deleted his phone number and all this text. Texts he'd written on papers, I've gotten rid some of them. He told me that he apologises for all the mess he'd done. Yeah, we've been ignoring each other all these time. That's the best thing we can go. I mean I can do after I'd pushed him away even though he told me that he'll try to wait. But it was less than a month or two. He found someone. They'd gotten along really well though there's some obstacles I know cause my friends told me so. It was kinda a childish problem..where the person who was close to the girl kinda threaten him by saying childish stuff. He's kinda the third person, but it wasn't his fault to fall for this girl. It's about the girl's choice. I told him before, and I hope he still remembers it.
so yeah, he's texted me and now my mind is really a mess right now. I don't know what to say. The funny this is..he said, " It's almost christmas, so i guess i'm brave enough to ask for apologise frm you".
What should I do? He apologised and asked me to do the same as well? Or was it me who think differently? Or am I correct? Or does he apologise cause it's almost christmas? Or does christmas needs apologies?

Oh God! It's better if he haven't text me or such.. I'm so lost right now.

Just now, before reading or knowing he would text me..my mind was thinking about my future, my life and how am I gonna improve my life and my family's.

If he's asking for forgiveness. He's asked the wrong person, cause I couldn't forgive him. I did push him away, but that doesn't mean my feeling is completely gone for a month or two. It hurts to see things I never expect to see. The toughest thing I have to do was to be tough in front of my friends and seeing my friends pretend too so that they won't hurt my feelings.

Why did I push him? Haha! cause I didn't trust his words he said. I've experienced such shits. And I was right..I never regret pushing him away..cause the result is clear after the one or two month.

Until now I have no idea what to say..Should I apologise cause I wanted to? or cause he asked for it?
I don't know! I don't know!

And the reason I'm putting this in my blog, it's because I don't wanna write it into my diary. It hurts to read it when I'm writing another problem of mine next time. I never wanna tell anyone about it, not my sis or my best friend(s). Never my mum.

Oh God..help me...
I don't wanna do this.
Why the fuck would he even text me? Asking for forgiveness because she told him to? Or was it because he's feeling guilty? Or was it because he's afraid of God's punishments? Or was it because he wanna be friends again? ( I know this won't be the reason tho)

I'd told him that I've forgotten everything and forgave him, but the fact is I'm too weak to do both of them. I'm so sorry. The anger hasn't fade yet.

I think I can forgive him for what he'd said to me..even the lies. But I can't forgive him on what I saw, when I was still.... I still can't.. I hate to see the guilty looks in my friends' faces..picking their words carefully or the 'oh no' looks they gave me when they accidently talked bout him..

Haha! What should I say? what should I reply him?

I'll feel guilty for not replying him..

Chased, escape..dreams.

Hi guys! =)

As my previous post stated that I'm gonna talk 'bout my dreams..

Yeah, the dreams that I'd dreamt because I was dreaming when I was dreaming. Haha! Annoyed? =p Who cares? Lets have fun!

So, I remembered of being chased and I was escaping from someone. No, I wasn't just a person, there were I think 3? 2 kids and 1 adult. The guy (adult) had (or was it have? ) a crush on my mum and I remembered that I wasn't really myself at that time and I told him that I'm gonna tell my mum about this. And he was nervous and wanna stop me. He was scared and looked like he'll do anything to stop me from exposing that secret of him. Oh, he told me that he had ( or have) and crush on my mum..that's how it'd started.
I quickly enter the car (my car) and try to drive away. Then there were 2 kids (?) trying to stop me. And I was really scared and try'na drive away as quick as I could. I remember telling myself that my driving skills are okey and has improved a lot..so it'll be smooth. But when I got to the main road..there were a lot of cars (like duhh) racing like hell. And I panicked. I didn't know if I'm gonna make it or not..If I'm gonna live or not. Cause the guy looked like he's gonna hurt me and the cars will kill me instantly if I wasn't cautious.. I have the fear until today.
Haha! I know it was a dream, but it'll bring a big impact to you..like falling from the stairs or buildings. Gosh, that feeling you got that'll wake you up. For sure.

Other dreams..I can't remember, but I knew that I was being chased too..cause you know the feeling you got. We tend to remember the feelings we feel when we were dreaming eventhough we'll forget the dreams. True or true? =p

The very recent one is..I was at the beach..having picnic I guess with I don't know who they are. I think they are my friends. I remember that I walked...keep walking. I don't know if I was trying to run away or trying to find something or someone. All I can remember is the sky..the sunset. I was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L! =) Really beautiful.


I'm doing my research right now and found out that being chased is because you're afraid to face the reality and have phobias or fears about or on something.

Links will be here:
www.dreamdictionary.org/common/chase-dreams/

dreamstop.com/chase-dreams/

It's all from the internet. They're good.
So I guess that's all! Haha! Thankyou so reading (if you're actually reading)

Thankyouu! =')

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyouu!

My very previous post, I've stated that I wanna reach 2000 total views. And I've exceeded 2000 just by that one post. Thank youu so much. I don't really care if you're interested in those random stuff I've written. Haha!
Thankyou again!

I bet there are some of my friends who helped me to reach my goal. Thank you guys! I think I know who you guys are. I really appreciate it =') Thank you and I love you guys!

I guess that's all on this post. I'll talk about the dreams that I've dreamt past few days and months in another post tho. So, hang on if you guys wanna know some more craps. Haha! =)

Oh, btw, I'm listening to 'Already Gone - Grey ( Kelly Clarkson )' haha! I'm on that mood right now.

Hi Hii Hiii~

Hi people! =D I'm so sorry for not updating you guys! Even thought you guys are not interested, but I'm just gonna tell you guys anyway! hahaha! I'm ill. And I have quite a few updates! x) Oh, sorry to be rude, but how are you guys? =)

So, lemme start from update no.1!

1) I've finished college! yay! but still waiting for my results which will be released around March? And this point will lead to no.2.

2) I haven't found any job(s) yet. I'll be having 8 months holiday...and I need money so bad! I need those money to spent on things that I want (not need). My parents never give me money for unnecessary things. haha! I'm happy, cause they made me independent =)

3)I've planned to create a new blog (I think I've said about this before tho) to put all (maybe) of my poems, cause I find it a shame to not share them to awesome people like you guys! =) oh, I'm gonna update you guys if I've created the blog.

4) My fav singer of The Voice has made to the top 3! @Will Champlin #Champs !! I love Tessanne Chin too tho!! xD

5) My dog has given birth to 7 wonderful puppies, but one has died. The six puppies, me and my sis have given them names..they are 'Froze', 'Buabua', ' Twinkle' , 'Obiz', 'Olaf' and 'Smix' hahaa! Cute, funny names =9 and yeah, 'Olaf' is from the cartoon 'Frozen'

6)I've planned to do a video to one of my poems too (I think I've mention about this too before).. It's bout raindrops. =)

7) I've made an Ask.fm account. Here it is : ask.fm/VLeaster ask me questions if you guys have nothing to do =D

8) I've started drawing again..weee haha!

9) Just let you guys know..no, I'm not in love, but lately, I'd have a crush on a guy who isn't my ideal type of guy..but, idk..We awkwarddddddddlyyyy made eye contact a few times, and I saw something in his eyes. Kindness and sincerity. That's why I have a crush on him. Oh, confused? I believe that 'falling in love' and 'having a crush' on someone aren't the same =) but we're impossible, so I think I'm just gonna let this crush go away (David Archuleta's song - crush playing hahaa!)

10) I have a driving license already! yay! but I seldom drive, cause it's stressing!!

11) The total number of viewers viewed my blog is 1907. And I've aimed to get 2000 total viewers before 31 dec 2013 at 00.00. haha! which also means before 1st of Jan! =9

so..11? yeah 11 updates! I think that's all for today. Take care guys =)

Past notes; past life

Hey guys! whatsup?
So yeah, last night I read my notes that I'd typed in my phone.
I typed those notes in my phone when I'm sad, angry and happy...
When song lyrics popped out of my mind and I don't have papers with me.

That phone has been with me for 5 years already, imagine how much it has gone through with me. It is always there for me.

I read those notes yesterday cause..I don't know.. I just feel like it.
I've realised that I've grown up already and have grown stronger tho, it's always the same thing that hurt me again and again...

...Parents, friends, almost lovers, words...

I've hated everything.

Parents? I don't like talking 'bout them. Do you guys have this feeling where you hated them so much, but in some ways you love them and know that you can't live without them?


Jerks say that they'll be here with me and all...but, they left, cause I've pushed them away.
Do I feel good for pushing them away? Yes. cause I won't know if they'll hurt me or not.


I used to have a crush on this guy, but when I knew he's gonna go to New Zealand for further studies, mu heart just crushed into pieces. I remembered that I watch as he walked up the stairs to the airport. And then, he's gone. Tears did flow silently. It's just a lame crush and I think this is the time when I really fell for someone.

I had a friend who've said that he'll be by my side, but he'd just gone. Left me really hurt and empty. He made me fell for him.. he said " I love you" every night before we sleep. But when I fell for him, he realised it and just left. He told me that he left because he doesn't want me to fall for him. What have I done? He shouldn't have done that to me or any others. I've cried the most for this guy. I hate him, but I miss him too. I bet he won't be hurt at all when me met that day with God's approval, while I was faking all the smiles and laughter. He's already used to it. I've ended our friendship 3 years ago cause I was hurt and I wanted to forget about him and move on. But I still can't.

I've when to a place with my dad and I met a guy. I mean I had crush on him. The day that we've last meet. I somehow like to look at him, but he never knew. And yeah, since it's that last day..I know I won't be seeing him anymore until today? If we were to meet, I don't think I'll remember his face. I've cried silently in the car cause..just my luck.

I have a friend, whom I worked with when I was still waiting my o level result and he'd helped my quite a lot. He knew my problems and I knew his. He bought me a blue bracelet to motivate and whenever I see the bracelet, I'll have to stop whatever the wrongs that I'm doing like..... Almost every night we'll text and we'll send like almost 100 texts in Fb inbox just to annoy each other. We'd played firecrackers with our other co-workers. I was amazing cause at that time, it was raining too. Now he's like in the west and I'm like in the east now. He's working and I'm still studying. So, we're not in touch at these times.

I have a friend where we've lost the feeling for each other already, but we are still friends until today. I'll always pretend that there's never anything happen between us. If I've chosen him instead of the another, I guess we'll already be together. I didn't choose his cause it seemed like he doesn't care. Behind his jerky and playboy attitude, I've found him funny and caring. He's actually not as what he seems.. I think. And yeah, I've cried for this guy.

I had a friend whom I've pushed away as well, cause I can't keep going with him by my side. I'm scared that I'll get hurt and I'm afraid to hurt him more. So, I've just kept pushing away. He let me go. I'm glad and I'm not..I don't know. But, less than a month I guess, he found someone already, while, I have not gotten over the pain. I've hid it well.He let me go cause he doesn't want our friendship to end. I've never wanted our friendship to end as well, but we're not talking anymore. Now, I never wanted to talk or see him at all.
I've tried to talk to him by texting him, but he didn't really reply and that's when I knew that something is going on and he's gone.Did I regret pushing him away? A big no no.
I've cried for him not just once but, I'm glad that I didn't accept him in the first place.

I have a friend who kinda hide the truth that he's already taken. He'd been kind and nice to me. I never knew he liked me until my friend told me. So, he has 2 Fb account and he'd given my friends another account and not the one he'd added me. So, I'm doing like an 'investigation'..I found out that he has a girl friend already and they've been together since 2011. I wasn't really shocked at all cause my another friend told me that he's already taken. I'm hurt at first, but I managed to get over it. Funny how that day (I didn't know the truth yet), he asked me to sit beside me. But I refused cause it's kinda awkward. Then, he asked 'you've rejected?'. I pretended that I can't hear what he'd said. He kept repeating, and I kept pretending. And yes, I kinda fell for his hidden 'kindness'. I'm really dumb.

So yeah, all of these shitty above..those are the ones that I had crush on and had dated, but never with them at all. I'm feeling stupid but quite relived right now.
I don't know whose fault at these mess?
Was it because I'm dumb or what?
Just a failure that I am.

Giving up for me

I have this sorta friend who has a crush on me. I was cold, but he was really funny and I fell for him. He was still in a relationship at that time, but he'd ended his relationship. He's a lady killer and a playboy. I like him, but I'm afraid that I'll end up like his ex-es where one of them is my friend.

My cousin told me that he asked for my phone number and my cousin gave it to him.

Few months ago, I called my friend's name 'Ling', but then he answered. Ling is also darling for short. Then, I looked at him, feeling annoyed, but he gave his really cute smile. Oh god.

Another day, while he was having a rest with my cousin after a sport that they'd played, he sang 'Someone like you' by Adele when I was there. Then, out of the blue, he asked me whether he's hot or not. I said no. Then, he kinda begged me to tell the truth. I still say no. Then, my cousin called him gay. After that he acted all gay and my cousin was afraid of him. HAHA! I then asked, what's wrong with him? My cousin told me that he likes me. 

I don't know how, I just fell for him. Damn.

I caught him looking at me tho from a distance, cause I kept looking and finding him in the crowd.

But I'm gonna let this feeling go away. He didn't text me or whatever. Duhh..haha! so whatever.

It's all for my own good and I don't want my friendship with my friend to end.

I'll be sad, but yeah.

Crawling into my dream

It was a tiring day, standing under the burning sun. So when I when home, I did whatever i will normally do. Eat and sleep. As I was taking a nap/sleep for 2 hours, suddenly I dreamt about him. Yes, I wish and not wish, to see or meet him today. I really wanted to, but I'm scared. I really was.

I dreamt that my and my friend, S were in a shop when we met him there. To my surprise, he actually worked there, but I thought he was suppose to be at his school which is one hour away from town.
In the reality, he told me that he'll graduate this year. He decided to continue for a degree though.
So, the me in my dream was like what is he doing here? And yada yada yada, I've forgotten some, cause I don't know how I actually have the guts to talk to him. Actually, I was there smiling and blushing, feeling nervous and all, cause he's talking to me, when in reality, he ignored me. Pretending to actually talk to me, but only reply once or twice, and poofff...there he went away.
So, it was kinda amazing when he talked to me (in my dream). He told me that he was actually waiting for me to call him and all. I looked at him. I looked inside him. I feel wanted and love, like I used to when we were ermm...unofficially dating?
I was smiling and my friend, it was her first time seeing the guy that I loved and cared so much. I remembered, she was smiling too. He was behind me, watching us leave. I was seriously happy and blushing all the time.

I remembered, looking back at him and he was doing his work and singing randomly. I remembered I was thinking, " wow, he changed a lot ", cause he looked stronger and hotter HAHA! He was wearing black.

And I don't know how, I just woke up..
It was just a dream.
I didn't get to see him today? But he's in my dream. He USED TO be the person in my dream.

Saved a kitty cat!!

(17/9/13) It was really crowded and we were standing under that damn hot sun which is burning us alive. We were waiting for His Majesty the sultan. While we were waiting (for him in his car to pass by), we talked nonsense. Then, one of my friends told me that there's a kitty in Blah's bag. So, I went there to see, but I 'retreated' cause I saw a teacher who I HATED!! So, when he goes away, that's when I 'conquered' nyahahaha!!

Blah told me that the kitty was really weak and it really was. It was kinda blinded by thick mucus on the eyes and it could hardly see. It just slept. And the most awesome thing is when they tried to feed it with water, using a plastic bag with water in it, made a little hole. Blaah2 tried really hard to let the kitty drink and at last it drinks the water!

That is what I call HUMANITY.

Though Blah didn't plan to keep the kitty, but he carried his bag the wholeeee day, and never let go. I told him that his bag's 'pouch' (there's a pouch in front of his bag) fits the kitty exactly. Then he agreed. I told him that the kitty was meant to fit into it.

I really think it's meant to be.

Blah told us that Blaaaah3 will take the kitty home and I guessed she did already.

I love those guys! =')

Why?

Cause I'm an animal type of person.

I'm not a vegetarian though, but maybe I will try to be one. And my uncle even tried to 'convert' me and my sis to be a vegetarian --"

Everytime we eat meat, he lecture us, saying how disgusting they are or how pitiful the animals are.

I'm a teenager and I need those meat to grow up..if I still could --"

They asked me to move on

Just now (16/9/13), after my school assembly, I went back to my classroom alone and just sit there alone. My friends were somewhere else, which I have no idea where they were. There were my other classmates whom I'm not close with. So yeah, my hand is on the table and my head is on top of my hand. My face was quite sour and confuse looking I guess?

I wasn't thinking anything, or I didn't even know what was I thinking.

I didn't know I actually looked like that, until my friend...a guy who I had a crush on ( and who had a crush on me too) came with his so-called girl friend, but they're not together.
I also didn't realise that I was looking into the empty spaces. Then he said, " why do you look so sad? Cheer up! ". And I was like " what? "

" Cheer up! Don't be upset. Just move on "
" What are you talking about? "
" Just move on, I've been there too. Some people will enter our life, but are never meant to stay. Focus on your studies and forget about him. "
" My god, What the heck you're talking? "
" You're really ego "
" pfffftt.. your girl friend is leaving already! " (she walked out of the door already)
" Nevermind, just let her go, she will come back, eventually "
" So, cheer up and move on ok? ok? ok? "
" Ok ok..so just go "

I don't really believe in his sincerity, cause he's the clown type..
But what he said quite touched my heart.

Yesterday, when I was about to sleep...I can't sleep cause I kept thinking about him. Forgive him or not. Hate him or not.
I did cry a little thinking about those cause I was confused..really confused.

-
Some other days ago (few months ago), my another friend asked my to moved on too. I wasn't really in a good mood at that time. Maybe I was sleepy or something...or sad? I don't know. Suddenly he came to me (he sits behind me), and said, " C'mon, cheer up and move on!  If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you ."
He's a really funny guy, and I never take his words seriously.
But I shall not deny, that he had supported me quite a lot.

In our maths class, he used to say funny cheesy stuff. He used to sing songs to me. He used to help me in maths. We were really closed. We treated each other like brother and sister, since he's really close with my cousins who are like brothers to me.
Then, he has a girl friend, and I kinda put a distance between this friendship cause who knows his girl friend is the jealous type..pffftt..

Thank you guys for supporting me. And I will really try my best to let that jerk go. I will try my best to cheer up too. Thank you =') I love y'all.

I'm back!! Pebo..pebo..pebooooo

YAWWWWWWWWW!! WHATSUPP?? omg! I haven't updated my blog for like 2-3 weeks? Imma really sorry ='( I've been really, reaaaaaaally busy! And yeah, results are out, but not satisfying!!

So yeah, I stopped by to say HI! =)

And booooooooooo...I've just finished my qualifying exams which was 3 weeks, and 27days COUNT DOWN TO MY ACTUAL A LEVEL! D=

Oh gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwdd!! This is soooo stressful! I was cheering like a retarded seal in the school canteen just now cause I've finished my qualifying exams, and then...jeng jeng jeng!
As I said, my results are bad and I'm gonna try really really hard to get at least an A* (maths), an A (GP or Physics or Biology) and 2 B's. I hate C's or D's! I've planned to continue my studies abroad tho =)

Good luck to mehhhh~ hahaha! chaw!

Take care guys!

Liars said, " Treat people the way you wanna be treated "

Hey, I'm back blogging again. Yes, I kept saying that I'm busy, but sometimes I feel like I need to write my blog cause I don't know. I have a journal, but I haven't touch it for quite a while. I don't wanna read what I've written there. I'm scared I'll be upset or mad, but I need to write or draw or cry? To let all these disappointments away.

Everything has changed. I felt betrayed, all the time. Now, I don't know whom to trust anymore. It hurts. History kept repeating.

Liars said, " Treat people the way you want to be treated "

Yes, I'm a rude person for some reasons from the past. I remembered that when I was like 5 or 6.. my mum bought these girly pink and plastic diamonds jewels that lil girls love. My sis and I, each of us had one. I remembered that we put them on happily. And I remembered how pretty she looked, she was really fair and cute and really lovely on them. While, I looked complete ugly on them, I was dark and ugly, just ugly. I think since that day I hate stuff like that.
And when I was 10 or 11, I saw a dress that I loved so much. It was really pretty and it was pink. I put on it, tried it before buying and it looked like shit on me. I hate it. I remembered how disappointed I was to be so ugly and dark. I can't be who I am.
When I was 12, I went to my tuition class. I wanted to fit in with my friends who were those girly ass with fancy shits. While, I always simple clothes. I remembered I used heels which belonged to my mum. It was pretty and it looked good on my feet. But it was quite old already. With my mum's permission, I used it to my tuition and I remembered we were climbing the stairs, me and 2 of my friends. Then, I heard whispers and giggles behind me cause I was in front of them. So, I knew they were laughing at those lovely heels.

Then, I met Avril Lavigne and she indirectly helped me to fit in. I mean, she helped me to be who I am. Rude and hateful and crazy, but I'm happy with it. I don't wear pink, I hate pink and shiny stuff. She inspired me, not my hating stuff. I hate those stuff (pink and shits) cause I really hated them since I was young already. She helped me to feel comfortable to wear simple clothes and all.

And because I can't really fit in with the girls group, I'd started to hang out with guys.

Now, I have my own group with guys and girls. I love them, but sometimes when I thought about it. I have a feeling that they hated me too because of my attitude. I felt as if I'm not important to them at all. In Jan, that was when my birthday is/was. I don't care if there's the stupid cake or not. All that matters for me is their greetings. I don't care if it's thought facebook or twitter or texts or face-to-face, I love greetings. Then, I have this friend who kept saying, " Go home and eat lot and lot of cakes! happy birthday! " I was thinking what did she mean. I reached home and there's no cake, so do you need to say that? It's annoying. If you guys didn't even care about my existence, don't even pretend like you guys do. WTF?

My have or had this so called best friend who back stabbed me. Well done. At last she let all those hateful stuff out of me mouth just because I texted her, " .l.(--)" ". If you're my so called best friend, you should understand me. so, since that day, I knew who she is. She hated me for who I am, but I don't care.

Then, I have this lame so called best friend who I don't know how we'd became close. She's a pain in the neck. She did something unforgivable, but it wasn't really her fault. She got pregnant cause she fucked with some random guy whom I don't know. She was 17 and she aborted it by eating pills. She asked me what to do and I suggested her to take some money from the guy. I asked her not to eat pills to harm herself, but guess what? She asked for my advice and forgiveness, but ended up eating pills already. I can't really sleep the first few nights because of that. I was disappointed cause how did I end up with these people? I chose my best friends very, very carefully cause  for me 'best friend' isn't just two words or someone who is close to you. Then, this year, few months ago, this girl, lied to her close friend (who is my friend) for money. She asked for a hundred dollar. I have no idea what to say and I don't know.
And last two years, this girl and my best friend, Mie and one of their friends wanna come to my house, but they were in the arcade (a small one) as I'm living in town, then this girl texted me saying that they will come to my house soon, but I've waited like I don't know. Then, the other, other, other day..I don't know how long the other day was, I've found an opportunity to ask me what happened that night. She told me that, 'this girl' said she wanna play some more and it's okey, just let me wait for them. I mean, cmon. So yeah, I think I've ended this friendship with 'this girl' on her birthday where i'd given her presents and greeted her, cause I told myself I don't need a friend like this.
When she wanna borrow my money, I lend her without hesitation, but this was all I got.

So, now this someone who has been my best friend for 5 years already.. i don't know why I felt as if I was betrayed by her. I tried to trust her cause I know she can be trusted. We were taking out driving lesson almost at the same time, but I'm few days ahead of her. Then, few days ago the one who's teaching us said that sometimes this someone will come for the driving lesson. Everytime, if we wanna drive, we will go together cause if you go there alone, it will really be awkward cause there will be a lot of unknown people. I did ask her that did she come for the driving lesson alone sometimes? and she said no cause yeah, because of the awkwardness. So yeah, but what? And yesterday, the 'tutor; told me that this someone had sit for her driving test, and if you passed the test, you will get you driving license. While, last night this someone said  that I'll get my license earlier than her cause she is busy with HariRaya stuff and she was jealous. So, I don't know now. I don't know whom to trust..Everytime I go for the lesson, I will text her or call her, but... I really hope the 'tutor' got confused and told me the wrong details cause I can't stand losing everyone I care.

I have this guy best friend who ignored me cause I cared about him too much. And I end our friendship on September, few days after his birthday. I fell for him and he knew it. That's why, and there's no point of being friends again when he kept ignored me. It hurt like hell. He, who I knew was different, who i thought was different from all my friends ended up throwing me away as well.

So yeah, I think I am the problem. I care to much and I've always waited like an idiot, while people took my kindness for granted. Wait, do I even have kindness in myself? cause people kept hating me. Sometimes I can't sleep, thinking what have I done and what can I do so people won't hate me.
Friends should know that I curse a lot and I'm rude. So, I don't know... I don't know.. I thought I've treated them alright, I always care for them. I'm always worry for them. When they need me, I'll try to help. They should accept me for who I am. They kept seeing my mistakes and craps, they never realised how often I'm always there for them. Damn. Damn.

I planned to study abroad so that I can start anew and forget the past, forget everything. I planned to forget who my friends are, but I can't I love them. I don't want them to say that I've changed without even knowing my story.

What's left in me worth to be loved?

" Man and woman should be treated equally "

Hey yaw! So yeah, I've decided to share what I've promised to you guys =) It's about the boy (my junior) in my school PTET who stood up for woman's right. His words are touching. Really. I don't mean his words are touching till my tears poured --" but believe it or not? There are students that cried listening to him.

Now I'm listening to Christina Grimmie new song (from her album With Love) - I Bet You Don't Curse God. You guys should listen to it. It's a BEAUTIFUL song =)

 So yeah..there was this function thingie and then orphan ( children without father or mother or both) were given money from the government. BUT only kid(s) without A FATHER were given the money. The ones WITHOUT mother were not given. Why? cause that is the rule.
Suddenly, a boy took the mic ( I don't know why and how at first cause I was busy talking to my friend about cakes and biscuit. hehe! We were hungry alright xp) and then he started talking. I didn't listen, instead I was annoyed. I was like 'WTH??' but then I don't know why, I started listening...He said something like...His english was kinda hard to understand..

" I talked to the principal, I asked him why do people without mum weren't given the money? He said 'because sometimes life isn't fair'. But this program, isn't it was suppose to support the orphans? The program is said to help the orphans. Orphans are the ones without father or mother or both, not the ones without father only. I gave the money to my friend who had lost his mother. I should have done it earlier. I have lost my father when I was a kid and I couldn't even remember his face. Man (father) and woman (mother) should be treated equally.. just like a tall tree and a short one, they should be treated the same.."

When he said the last sentence, I thought he was gonna say ' Tall tree and a short one, both could produce the same amount of fruits, so they should be treated equally.' I bet he meant to say that way tho.. And he apologised for his language used and the time he'd taken to give his speech.

I know there's more..but that's what I've heard and that's what I remember! URGG!! It's a lost! =(

I don't think he needs to apologise for anything. What he'd done is brave and right. May God bless him, this kind guy. He has a beautiful and sincere heart. YOU ROCK! lml

Trying to do something new!

Hey guys!! How are all of you? I hope you guys'd taken good care of yourselves? Haha!
If you are wondering about my health and all.. I'm fine and I'm getting 'healthier' which means I'm getting fatter. I did it on purpose cause I'm gonna stop growing (taller) next year. So yeah, I eat and eat and eat everything..cause who knows? =p And I purposely make myself look fatter cause I planned to do a healthy diet next year and I planned to gain four or six packs x) A lil is enough. Sooooo...I'll look different. I want the 'difference' to be obvious cause people always say I look the same all year round..I mean I never get fat or thin. 
Actually I did gain or lose some weights, but I always look the same. yayyy!! but buuuu for now! And if my friends or assholes call me fat..hahaha! I don't give a damn cause I have plan in mah mind! x)

Oh ya! From the title 'Trying to do something new' hmmm...I was actually thinking doing something different for my blog. I planned to sometimes maybe...post stuff you never knew about me. Why? cause I bet you know what 'just for fun' means and 'I love to do it in my way' means. If some haters find it annoying. who cares? I never asked you to read HAHA! Losers! =p

So yeah, my plan is like this.. I would sometimes (if I have to time):
1) post about myself (random shits)
2) post a short story (fiction) that I've written
3) post some song lyrics that I've written
4) post some poem that I've written
5) post fun stuff
6) post about my crushes or shitty love life haha!

So yeahh..that's all! =D and yay!!! I almost reach 1600 readers that viewed my blog or whatever it is called. I just don't know how to explain it..kakakaka!!

Byes peopleeee!! Love ya all!

Delayeddddd sorry x')

Hey guys! Lemme apologise for delaying the post I promised to update few days ago. lately, I've been really busy. Guess what? yesterday, I got my qualifying timetable and I just realised that the qualifying includes my A2 AND AS!!!! T.T I thought it only includes A2! GAAAAHHH!!! So, yeah I have to rush every shit out of shits! D=

So, maybe I'll post what had happened on 30/7/13 like what I'd promised! The 3 things that happened.

I guess, I got to go now. Sorry!
So, take care everyone! xD

my first car accident (minor..kinda)

Hi guys..so yeah..It was kindaaaa....scary of what had happened just now..(31/7/13)
My mum's car was in the workshop (it was being fix by my uncle actually...at his house). So, she asked my cousin who is like a brother to me to fetch us. Yeah, 'us' as in my sister, my friend and I.

We didn't know he was in the school area until he came and called us.
( We all went to the same school.. All of us are upper six student, expect my sister who is of course lower six student).
And....we went out of the school's area and he drove quite fast actually. He sped up cause he thought the U-turn is still far away. There were lots of cars queuing up at the U-turn...and the last car was actually at the 'main' road already and not the curvy-ish extra-ish road the U-turn area always has to stand by the car. Duhh....I don't know what I'm really saying, but I hope you guys understand? Haha!

Honestly, I didn't really see the last car (black car) in front of us..we didn't expect the U-turn to be so near.

So yeah, he tried to brake the car, but he didn't press or step (whatever you guys prefer) the brake strong enough. And I remember I was thinking.." ohh mahn..this is not good..shit shit shit! ". Then, BOOOOM! Crashed.

My cousin said, " Shit! shit! shit! I'm in a big shit!" He went out and do some discussion. He called his dad for some solutions which he is too panic to think. I wanted to go out of the car, seeing what's going on but I can't cause if I open the door...It will fly away or hit by another fast moving car. And that will be worst. really.

They handle it okey. The person who's car got hit was my sister's friend. Her driver was doing the driving. phewww....luckily.

I asked my sister and my friend of they were okey. My sister has a minor injury and my friend is okey. She was shocked tho. I mean EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED! She said with emotions (a lil bit of anger), "but this is my first time experiencing it!" and I was like "me too" (duhhhh --) But I didn't panic. I was just a lil bit nervous. I mean c'mon, shits happen. Don't underestimate them and don't exaggerate stuff.

So when he came in, he was still sounding shocked and a lil bit scared. He then said, "shit! I'm gonna be scold by my dad"

And the car my cousin drove isn't any car..it's BMW. His dad's favorite car. We went to the workshop which is owed by my cousin's uncle.

I went out of the car and finally I got to see the damage. On the right side, the glass (light's) were all scattered and the front part (right) were crashed. Luckily, the car is still able to move (duhh...thar is how we got to be in the workshop).

It'll cost thousand of dollars to repair the damage. His dad was fu.ri.ous. Then..blah blah blahhh...dadada..

My sister knocked her mouth to the passenger's seat and her lip(lower) is bleeding. But so far, no one is hurt. And yes, that is a relieve =)

My cousin kept apologising to all of us..which I kinda didn't expect cause you know...he's the 'trying-to-be-cool-ish type' but he did. I texted him, telling him that it's not totally his fault for not seeing the car. I just don't want him to feel so guilty. aww~ what a good cousin I am =3 HAHA! whatevaaaa.... =P

So that's all chaw!
And oh, our school mates happened to pass by and saw the damage car, and kept texting my cousin. Huh...tomorrow is the last day of the school term and I bet there will be lots of questions and curiosity being asked....but I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened. I mean 4 of us are gonna stay cool.

Damn...there's too much of shits happening in a day! 3 things! and I'm gonna talk bout them in my next post =) Nites!

Back to September. Back to the memories.

Now I'm listening to 'Back To December' by Taylor Swift. I don't know why I'm listening to this song. I go to Youtube and it suggested me and in the afternoon just now, my sister's best friend played this song in her phone and I don't know why I've started singing..I never knew the lyrics. Until just now, I realised how sad and beautiful the lyrics are. The pain started to build up again.

I know, there is a lot of people experiencing or have experienced this. I'm one of you guys.

I started to miss him again.

Why?? I don't know why. I guess I just miss his presence and jokes. He's irreplaceable. I just miss him. I hope to see him again, in the eyes..I wanna tell him I'm sorry for what happened between us. I wanna apologise for caring too much before. I wanna apologise for ending our friendship, it's all because I can't stand his absence and I found out he'd changed. He's never my side like he used to promised me. His lies were obvious. But I kept forgiving him.

I forgave him cause I thought he would realise and come back. But that never happened. His pride was more important than this friendship. I cried all night, and prayed, hoping he'll come back. But he never. Last two years was a tragic for me.

Sometimes I wish to be in a major accident, hoping he'll come and visit me, and regretted he took me for granted. I know it's stupid for me to have that thoughts, but this pain can't be compared to physical pain.

I think of him all the time. I had crush on hundreds or thousands of guys, but none of them is someone like him. I miss him.

I remembered that he wanna give me the necklace that he is wearing..but I don't know if he's still using it now... I drew a picture to him and he drew me one. And I chose the picture instead of the necklace. The picture I drew for him, I never gave it to him. In the picture I drew him, I've written a poem that came from my heart. The poem is about our friendship. I'd told him the poem and he loved it. But I never gave it to him....

But I guess he never wanted me into his life anymore. We'd met few months ago..after 2 years. I'd tried to talk to him...by texting him cause that's all I can do. Yes, I'm glad he'd replied but that's that. There's so many things I wanna ask and tell him, but I never have the chance cause, he is just himself. He doesn't reply after 3 - 4 texts...or less than that.

It was September, I told him that that will be the last time I'll greet him during his birthday. He was shocked and sad. I was sad and just sad..cause I can't take it anymore. But then, he just let me go. That is how our friendship ended. His pride.

I bet he blamed me as much as I blamed him. But we were so young and naive. I forgave him and I miss him. I wanted to....when I thought I'd moved on.. I never did. I can't.

I wish to meet him again. I know I can't turn back time. I can't change what had happened. We have our own way now. I wish at least we could at least fix this. I wanna fix this, but he never gave me a chance too. I guess, he's happy where and who he is now.

That day when we met, I laughed and smile a lot...those are fake. I just hope that he'll see how strong I've become since he's gone. I wanted him to see that I don't need him at all and the pain didn't have any effect at me at all. But those were never permanent. Here I am....missing those memories that I know wasn't really for me.

I hope he found someone to replace me. Someone who'll listen to him, someone who can make his smile or laugh....someone who can...........someone who he needs in his life.

I won't deny that it hurts the hell our of he saying these, but if he's happy, I'll try to be happy too....for him.

Someday, I hope I have the chance to just spend a day....just a day with him before one of us will be gone.

Back to September, I still remember the memories we had. And that was where everything ended as well.

I wish to go back to September and didn't tell you words that I've told you.

I hope to go back to September where you didn't let me go and you'll apologise.

I wanna go back to September and didn't care about you so much as I did.

If he understands why I always wanted to talk to him and still trying to fix everything, even though what we had between us is over. It's all I need to move on. I need the answers, not lies. I hate to live in lies. He never did give me the answers...lies are always there. He gave me lies which I try to accept and just move on, but I can't. Something kept telling me it's not right. It shouldn't be this way. Yet he'll just be gone whenever or wherever he wanted, leaving me here. I really need him to let me go with truth.

It's killing me. You have to understand.

It's like a dove in a cage. You put it under the biggest and safest tree and let it see the sky, telling it you've set it free. But you never open the cage cause you're keeping the key. You said that when it rains, you'll come back and get the dove, but you never did. You've forgotten that even the biggest and safest tree, it can't protect the dove from the cold wind and storm.

I miss you. I miss you saying 'I miss you'.

A song for her

I just wanna stop by, to tell all my readers that I love my best friend, Mie.

My bestie, Mie... She'd lost her mum back in 2007. That is, when we were 13 years old. Yes, her life is kinda upside down, but what I'm really glad is, she never really hesitate to tell me her problems...her family problems. Shouts, screams, tears, blood and trust..

It was 2008, when she lost her best friend, Yus, and I also lost mine, Fie.... so, I just wanna get to know this awesome girl, cause we're lonely. And surprisingly, we're damn close...until today. She calls me 'sister'. I always lose my best friend(s) every 2 fucking years...but yeah, Mie and my friendship has been 4 years!  =')

Back in 2010, we fought over stupid childish things...nehh..actually it was a lil bit of misunderstanding.. but that brought us closer as bitches ^^ HAHA!

She's a crazy girl, with some funny dreams.. I know, one of them is 'wanna be a part of Paramore member'. Describe her in one word? C-R-A-Z-Y. I mean seriously.. When I'm with her, I can be myself...I'm not afraid to be my ugly slef and stupid and random. What I love about her? Her personalities... no... I love her for being her... =) She's strong.... she's strong to face all the challenge tested by God. But no one is strong all the time... in life, there's ups and downs...

She broke a lot promises...again and again and againnnnnnnnn.... that really broke my heart into pieces, but I'm glad that she realised her mistakes and apologise. Yeah, I forgave her, cause I know it's not really a big deal, compare to what she'd lost.

It's 20/12/12, do you still remember how I ran to you and hugged you like we're lovers when we met in the airport? HAHA! Do you remember how we stupidly planned to meet and shop if we meet at KL...but when we finally meet in the airport back in Brunei? HAHA! That was gay! Do you remember the feeling when my mum hugged you? We all love you

So yeah, Mie, I would like to dedicate this song 'Darlin' by my favourite idol...If you don't........ I'll cry a South Brunei Sea!!!! HAHA!!

This is Van Leaster's cover yaw! T.T

This is soooooooooooo embarrassing!! I mean...this is so uncool.... cause well, people see me as an ego and cool person...so yeahhhhhhh....... -.-"

I hope you like it?

THIS HAS BEEN MY DRAFT FOR MONTHSSSSSSSSSSS....I CAN HARDLY POST IT BECAUSE I HAVE NOT DONE THE COVER. I DID IT ACTUALLY, I SANG MY HEART OUT. BUT THERE WAS A FAILURE IN THE INTERNET CONNECTION. SO YEAHH..MAYBE NEXT TIME? I SWEAR, I SANG REPEATEDLY..OVER N OVER AGAIN CAUSE THERE'S DISTRACTIONS...LIKE MY DUMBASS DOG KEPT BARKING OR THOSE STUPID MOTORCYCLE'S BOOOOOOMINB OR CARS VROOOOMING...FUCK THEM!

Hiiii! What to do?

source: internet

Hey guys!! I'm sorry I haven't really been updated my blog cause I'm really "busy" hahaah! why did I put " "? It's all because I still have...I mean always time for Twitterrrrrrrr!! =p

I've deactivated FB few days ago cause I can sit in front of my laptop for hoursssss....at least Twitter (I find it quite boring.. hehe!! No offence), I'll be browsing or scrolling for maybe an hour only.

So yeah, it's true, I'm busy actually. I've been fighting to get one or two or three A's for my A level. I'm just a straight B student..but I have confidence that I can get A(s). I believe, I have to believe in myself. I really think I can get A(s) tho..keke!

Oh, I'm taking Biology, Maths, Physics! =) My Bio and Maths...ARRGG!! I ALWAYS, ALWAYSSS almost get an A, but yeah...I've forgotten what I'd read and my carelessness is killing me too..

Now, I'm changing my way of studying. I was a top student when I was in high school, but my grades dropped like shits when I became playful (wild) and lazy. I hate pressure, and I tend to just give up when people (esp my parents hehe!) pressure meee!! But I really, really feel bad when my POA (accounting) teacher, who has faith on me.....For short, I disappoint her. I feel terrible.

So yeah, I'm changing my way of studying. Instead of laying (or is it lying? --") down on my bed and understand the whole pages ( that is how I study before), I write little and extra details down which I got from book or my tutors. I also wanna know things in more detail, like eventho it's not in our syllabus. I did this to get the logic and know what I'm reading better. I remembered that I find FB boring before (when I was in High school..but now I'm addicted to it), so this is why I've always deactive my FB and also Twitter when I've got serious in my studies.

When I'm stressed out (cause I couldn't understand what the hell my notes are trying to tell me)..instead of going online, I read my fav novel, that is House Of Night. So I'm not wasting my time. I read the novel too before going to bed, to make my eyes tired so I can sleep like a pig..keke! Cause I...... I mean my brain loves to 'think' EVERY TIME I'm trying to sleep!

source: internet
Well,  I'm a girl haha!

So yeahh...I think that's all! =D

Talk to you guys soon!

R.I.P Talia Castellano

source : Internet

I seriously had tears in my eyes when I saw this picture... R.I.P Talia Castellano..
I don't know why, but this picture really breaks my heart...

I hate CANCER! 

To be honest, I never really give a damn and I never understand why everyone is so sad when someone they knew or not, had cancer. I really never really care....cause, what's the big deal? It's cancer. But this tragic shit changed my narrow minded me and my life forever...
My teacher who thought me English language and she is also my ballet teacher...She passed away cause she has a cancer, beast cancer. I was really, really sad when I heard about it from my mum.
Since that day, I'm very aware of such stupid cancer that even exist in our life! I don't understand why good people die so early before they can really do something to the world.

WHY? ='( really, WHY??

What's wrong with July? *sighhh...

Yesterday....... I had a heartache yesterday and hoping to feel better today. I'd texted my friend, my best friend I mean, but she a very slow (but in a funny way i guess) and turned everything I've said upside down..I'm not blaming her or anything. Not really in the mood, I really wanna talk to someone who will understand what I'm feeling. But oh well....

And today, I mean just just now, my mum asked me to read something in the newspaper..it's about 'words that hurt your parents feelings'.. yeah, me, hii....I'm....a rebellion daughter. A useless one. A pain in the ass one. The stupid and dumb one. Unlike my sister (younger), she's smart, talented, she can make my parents happy and proud of her (and this fcukin' family), she can cook, she can do lots of work.....

My sister, I love her even though I'm kindaaa always being compared by my parents. I wanted to be jealous and hate her with my life..but I can't, I love her. She's innocent.

I know I'm rude when I talk and all, but I did try my best to change that stupid attitude...no one noticed. Sometimes I really wish I never exist. Sometimes I wish I was blind. Sometimes I wish I was deaf. But if I were to be those, I'm unable to see, listen and feel the beauty and pain in life. I swear I've tried my best....why can't they notice? I've and is trying hard to make them happy and proud.... I've tried to study (but there's a lot of distraction). I mean I've forced myself to study. I'm not a smart student, but I'm a straight B student. oh well, and here come my sister who is a straight A student. And if we didn't get and A..they will said why not? Why the others could?

I mean, I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE SHITS! I don't understand why could they say such as if studying is easy. I ain't Albert Einstein or whoever! They NEVER appreciate! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!

I'm really depressed right now. Fuck July...
To be honest, I did plan to run away from home and sometimes I wish I could kill myself. But I'm scared. I'm not scared of the pain cause I'm already in pain. I'm just scared that I have no where to go when I'm dead and I'm scared to being alone. I'm scared to see my families cry. And that kept my moving on......with hatred and sadness.

I'm scared of death, and wasn't it easier if I was never born? Maybe my parents won't be so sorry and bad about having me as their daughter. They never realised how much they'd hurt me, words or actions. I'm just keeping quite, though I want them to feel my pain. But I realised that I've caused their pain and I blamed them for my pain. Blames....

They've told me that my sis has always been special cause when she was little, she could open a lock door without any keys or hammers or shits. My parents couldn't open the door at all cause 'something' locked it. And there she goes, walked towards the door and 'click'.... and until today she's special. And I do not and never never hate her because of that. I know who I am. I know my limits. I know shits.

Well, who am I to them? I don't know.. they don't trust me. They don't....huh.... My dad hated me when I was little cause I cried a lot and my mum did try to suffocate me with a fcukin pillow when I was little cause I was just rebellious. Fcuk me.

And my dad once told me..it was last year or early this year... he told me that I'll be a better person if I try harder (in term of study)...then when we talked bout something else..I mean the topic changed a little, he said that I have limits and no matter how hard I'll try, nothing will change... ohhh dad, I'm confuse.. crap! I feel like crying right now.. ='( Stupid teary eyes.

I'm confuse.... I hate......I hate everything! but oh well, this fake smile should stick on my face every single day. I have to act all cool and cold even though those shits hurt.

I don't know how much they love me or....idk... or....how much they find me annoying.... I don't care...I don't wanna know..

Heart is broken.......again

Hye....urmm....I'm kinda sad right now. No, I'm really sad, cause I've done illegal shit, that is falling for a guy who has a girlfriend already. And I'm really glad and I really like it how loyal he is towards her. I knew I shouldn't have done that, but my stupid fucking heart just.....I knew I shouldn't have fallen for him... I thought he'd be the one who'll heal me from what happened few years ago. I thought.... fuck.

I really love the way he looks at me, it's like he's telling me something. Telling me to wait cause he'll be here soon. But, fcuk..that will not happen for what I'd read something he sent her and....It broke my heart into pieces. I've found the impossible. Haha! what was I thinking when I've decided to listen to my heart and not my brain.

I guess this stupid heart doesn't worth any love that it'd found. It's meant to be broken and I promise to myself that I won't fall for anyone until.................I'm really strong. I can't take this pain anymore. I feel like crying but it's stupid if I cry cause it's not like he likes me. Haha! I'm being really ridiculous.

What am I gonna do? I'll just umm...let this feeling fade. I will not try to find him in the crowd. I will not look at him anymore. I will try to move on, though I have a crush on him like 3 months..but whatever. This is a really....... I'm an idiot.

And I don't know who to talk to. Here I am, being a blind bitch with a broken heart again. I really hope to talk to someone.....anyone.......
Instead, I'm here blogging and random people all around the world are gonna read and then judge me.
This is not I want alright? I never knew why I'd liked him too, I don't have a reason, I just did. I thought he's the one and he made me feel who I was..I think. My heart beats like crap when I see him and almost die when our eyes met..no, not just once or twice..but....countless times in the fuckin 3 months or so. There's no one to blame, no one..... Haha! wait..it's my own fault. Fcuk..

I dreamt about him twice too...and it's like a message asking me to wait. First, it was............ huh....I don't feel like telling. It's a really, really lovely one. And the second one is, he and one of his friends just walked passed me, I turned around but there he goes away...

Why? why? why? =( I need someone to talk to =(
I'll just talk to God.

GUYS ARE ALL THE SAME!!  All, yes, ALL guys that I have crush on....or I've unofficially dated...they're all the same.
I don't know if I'm the problem or I'm different? Haha! yeah, whatever.

So yeah, I think this is goodbye for this crush. I can't wait cause I know waiting hurts like I've waiting for this jerk for 3 years already and.....I'm gald I got to meet him after 2 years for not seeing him, but everything became awkward..
I'll just do whatever makes me smile eventhough I have to force this fuckin' smile.

Worst day ever

(4/7/13)
yaww! whatsupp? I just wanna tell a long-but-short story bout what'd happened yesterday..hoho!
so yeah yesterday in school, we have this marching practice..my gawddd..I wasn't really tiring, but the sun is drying me up..the water that made 70% of the body became 40% --" just kidding =p 
I'm sick.. I mean ill..not the sick of something thing. And here comes the cloud blocking the sun, then it betrayed me and then here comes the sun. After a few minutes, there's the rain. Then the sun...then the cloud..then my cough..and cough and idk.... but overall I think it was...................................stupid. It was actually fun, but then this bitch who was standing in front of my friend who is standing beside me...was..idk..A BITCH!! she laughed over ridiculously childish thing and when this 'african-ish' song was played, she was like making the movement she's playing a f*cking invisible drums and there she goes, embarrassing my House, Trustworthy.

After marching, I made a last minute decision to stay back and support my friend, Vivien (House- Team Synergy) even though I hope her house will lose =p HAHAA! and also supporting my Trustworthy! and yeah, my house lost to Preseverance (how to spell it? idk..)
It was Excellence vs Team Synergy and
Trustworthy vs Preseverance (whatever the sp is)
then, there's the bitch screaming like hell not far from me..... BEHIND me

When I got in the car, my mum scolded me. She told me that I was being busybody and shits. I really don't get it. I don't get how supporting my house and friends a busybody. F*ck it. To tell the truth, sometimes I HATE HER! I just kept quite the whole way, I want her to suffer from my silence cause I'm the noisy one in the family..so yeahh... just lettin' her to scold me..

When I just got out of the car, my sis screamed for my name, asking me to quickly pick up the f*cking phone cause Chuan is calling (she asked him to call back), so I race up the stairs and picked up the phone. ( I don't get why won't she pick up the phone first. stupid.) He told me to hurry and don't have to shower or whatever cause he's gonna pick us (me and my sis) soon. ofcourse I was like wtf is happening? Did I miss something? o.O
He told me that we will be having bbq. And I was like what happened? and why and......I asked a lot --" He asked me if I've forgotten that yesterday was the twins bday. and yeahh..but no.. actually I never knew their bday. I only knew it's on July. hoho! but my reaction was, 'oh ya!' hehe!
He told me that he'd bought the chicken wings already and is now at wywy (2mins way frm my house) and is coming really soon. And so I told my sis, she's an anime freak and yeah, she's stucked on the laptop. When I'd scolded her, she then turned off the damn laptop and headed to shower, but Chuan arrived. I'd asked her, "what the fcuk are u doing? He'd arrived already! and why didn't you that your shower just now?!" and she told me that she didn't know when will he come and pick us up. And that got into my nerves, but I didn't raise my voice, I was just annoyed. I answered her, " so if you didn't know when will be pick us up, why didn't your get ready at the first place, instead of sitting and watch your anime?!"..and both of us rushed and vroomm... it was around 5.30pm

We went to HuaHo and I saw my friend, Areen. I was playing 'hide-and'seek' FAIL VERSION haha! I'd hidden beind my sis, but my eyes are sticking out. I didnt see the trolly (whatever) which was full of boxes and I hit my left leg..ouchh! yeah, it hurts. so she laughed, I didn't noticed there's someone else, that is my sis Bio teacher, a junior and my another friend, Myzee. Damnnn..it was embarrassing..huhh...

When we got back and counted the amount of money that we'd spent..add them up and divide by 5...it was like $10 already, without the present that we're gonna give them..wowww...I wonder  where can I get so much money..I mean I have money, but not much cause I've spent a lot on buying Easi card for my phone..and they get expired way too early before I can spent them on calling or sending text message or go online by phone, so, I will always have to update the stupid Easi, to prevent my money being deducted. bitch DST.

so we'd celebrated in Chuan's aunt house (the one who's driving) we clean and bbq stuff and try to start the fire, and guess what? IT DIDN'T WORK NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRIED! --" so we'd given up and asked Chuan's aunt to come out (she was preparing the chicken wings and all) to do it for us haha!
We stood there like.....more that one hour I think...so of the chicken wings are burned and some are still un-cook..haha!!
Overall, it was okey...they tricked the twin, telling them that they didn't bought any cake..they were quite sad actually ahaha! and tadaaa...surprise! they sang bday song and I just came out from the toilet --"

It was just 9.40pm when my angry mum called and scolded me..I mean wtf? I don't get it why why whyyyyyyyyyy can't she just let me be! I mean I ain't no kid, I'm already 18 and is trying to get my driving licence! I know she's being protective, but she's too much..over protective. and my parents always, I really mean always spoil the fun I have. She said, " do you know what time is it? it's already late and you guys haven't bath yet.......blah3"

So yeah, we had to go home early (9.40pm..it's still early to me). FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKK... I swear, yesterday was the worst day ever!! Really.... all bullshits..