I know, there is a lot of people experiencing or have experienced this. I'm one of you guys.
I started to miss him again.
Why?? I don't know why. I guess I just miss his presence and jokes. He's irreplaceable. I just miss him. I hope to see him again, in the eyes..I wanna tell him I'm sorry for what happened between us. I wanna apologise for caring too much before. I wanna apologise for ending our friendship, it's all because I can't stand his absence and I found out he'd changed. He's never my side like he used to promised me. His lies were obvious. But I kept forgiving him.
I forgave him cause I thought he would realise and come back. But that never happened. His pride was more important than this friendship. I cried all night, and prayed, hoping he'll come back. But he never. Last two years was a tragic for me.
Sometimes I wish to be in a major accident, hoping he'll come and visit me, and regretted he took me for granted. I know it's stupid for me to have that thoughts, but this pain can't be compared to physical pain.
I think of him all the time. I had crush on hundreds or thousands of guys, but none of them is someone like him. I miss him.
I remembered that he wanna give me the necklace that he is wearing..but I don't know if he's still using it now... I drew a picture to him and he drew me one. And I chose the picture instead of the necklace. The picture I drew for him, I never gave it to him. In the picture I drew him, I've written a poem that came from my heart. The poem is about our friendship. I'd told him the poem and he loved it. But I never gave it to him....
But I guess he never wanted me into his life anymore. We'd met few months ago..after 2 years. I'd tried to talk to him...by texting him cause that's all I can do. Yes, I'm glad he'd replied but that's that. There's so many things I wanna ask and tell him, but I never have the chance cause, he is just himself. He doesn't reply after 3 - 4 texts...or less than that.
It was September, I told him that that will be the last time I'll greet him during his birthday. He was shocked and sad. I was sad and just sad..cause I can't take it anymore. But then, he just let me go. That is how our friendship ended. His pride.
I bet he blamed me as much as I blamed him. But we were so young and naive. I forgave him and I miss him. I wanted to....when I thought I'd moved on.. I never did. I can't.
I wish to meet him again. I know I can't turn back time. I can't change what had happened. We have our own way now. I wish at least we could at least fix this. I wanna fix this, but he never gave me a chance too. I guess, he's happy where and who he is now.
That day when we met, I laughed and smile a lot...those are fake. I just hope that he'll see how strong I've become since he's gone. I wanted him to see that I don't need him at all and the pain didn't have any effect at me at all. But those were never permanent. Here I am....missing those memories that I know wasn't really for me.
I hope he found someone to replace me. Someone who'll listen to him, someone who can make his smile or laugh....someone who can...........someone who he needs in his life.
I won't deny that it hurts the hell our of he saying these, but if he's happy, I'll try to be happy too....for him.
Someday, I hope I have the chance to just spend a day....just a day with him before one of us will be gone.
Back to September, I still remember the memories we had. And that was where everything ended as well.
I wish to go back to September and didn't tell you words that I've told you.
I hope to go back to September where you didn't let me go and you'll apologise.
I wanna go back to September and didn't care about you so much as I did.
If he understands why I always wanted to talk to him and still trying to fix everything, even though what we had between us is over. It's all I need to move on. I need the answers, not lies. I hate to live in lies. He never did give me the answers...lies are always there. He gave me lies which I try to accept and just move on, but I can't. Something kept telling me it's not right. It shouldn't be this way. Yet he'll just be gone whenever or wherever he wanted, leaving me here. I really need him to let me go with truth.
It's killing me. You have to understand.
It's like a dove in a cage. You put it under the biggest and safest tree and let it see the sky, telling it you've set it free. But you never open the cage cause you're keeping the key. You said that when it rains, you'll come back and get the dove, but you never did. You've forgotten that even the biggest and safest tree, it can't protect the dove from the cold wind and storm.
I miss you. I miss you saying 'I miss you'.
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