Hye....urmm....I'm kinda sad right now. No, I'm really sad, cause I've done illegal shit, that is falling for a guy who has a girlfriend already. And I'm really glad and I really like it how loyal he is towards her. I knew I shouldn't have done that, but my stupid fucking heart just.....I knew I shouldn't have fallen for him... I thought he'd be the one who'll heal me from what happened few years ago. I thought.... fuck.
I really love the way he looks at me, it's like he's telling me something. Telling me to wait cause he'll be here soon. But, fcuk..that will not happen for what I'd read something he sent her and....It broke my heart into pieces. I've found the impossible. Haha! what was I thinking when I've decided to listen to my heart and not my brain.
I guess this stupid heart doesn't worth any love that it'd found. It's meant to be broken and I promise to myself that I won't fall for anyone until.................I'm really strong. I can't take this pain anymore. I feel like crying but it's stupid if I cry cause it's not like he likes me. Haha! I'm being really ridiculous.
What am I gonna do? I'll just umm...let this feeling fade. I will not try to find him in the crowd. I will not look at him anymore. I will try to move on, though I have a crush on him like 3 months..but whatever. This is a really....... I'm an idiot.
And I don't know who to talk to. Here I am, being a blind bitch with a broken heart again. I really hope to talk to someone.....anyone.......
Instead, I'm here blogging and random people all around the world are gonna read and then judge me.
This is not I want alright? I never knew why I'd liked him too, I don't have a reason, I just did. I thought he's the one and he made me feel who I was..I think. My heart beats like crap when I see him and almost die when our eyes met..no, not just once or twice..but....countless times in the fuckin 3 months or so. There's no one to blame, no one..... Haha! wait..it's my own fault. Fcuk..
I dreamt about him twice too...and it's like a message asking me to wait. First, it was............ huh....I don't feel like telling. It's a really, really lovely one. And the second one is, he and one of his friends just walked passed me, I turned around but there he goes away...
Why? why? why? =( I need someone to talk to =(
I'll just talk to God.
GUYS ARE ALL THE SAME!! All, yes, ALL guys that I have crush on....or I've unofficially dated...they're all the same.
I don't know if I'm the problem or I'm different? Haha! yeah, whatever.
So yeah, I think this is goodbye for this crush. I can't wait cause I know waiting hurts like I've waiting for this jerk for 3 years already and.....I'm gald I got to meet him after 2 years for not seeing him, but everything became awkward..
I'll just do whatever makes me smile eventhough I have to force this fuckin' smile.
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