Everyday I wake up, he's still on my mind... still thinking what I'd done wrong till he kept avoiding me...till he hated me like hell...
Removed me from his life and history... I've been waiting..and waiting for him for two and a half years.. I know I needed to let go, cause it's me, and I'll be the one that suffered..
My friends told me, advised me to let go and move on...but they don't understand that it's not the same.
Yeah, I'd secretly fallen to a lot of guys...shed my tears for them, cause all those guys that I'd fallen for are not meant to be....unknowingly, walked out of my life. But then, I'd forgotten them..
But him, I don't know why....I was an insecure person. And then I met him, and finally opened up to him. Just for him. He then, leave without a word. I don't know what I'd done wrong... Yes, it's been 2 and a half fuckin' years...I'm still wondering. I've shed my tears for him. I've bleed... my heart's bleeding. If only any of you could really understand...
My real good friends are really trying to help me.. but they'd helped me half way, and then, left too...cause they couldn't stand me.. haha! sorry, I never mean it...
Him, he drew me a picture of himself.. I remember, he asked me to choose between the necklace that he's wearing and a picture that he'll draw.. and so I've chosen the picture...which I still keep till today..
I remember, we had a lot in common and then became best friends, I'd claimed him first. Then, he told me that actually he wanted to say the same thing, but face to face, cause that will be more meaningful. I remember, how he'll always there when I needed him. I remember, when he asked me to hang out with him and our friends, but I refused. I still remember where we seated in that restaurant, he played with my phone and drink. I remember, we used to chat till one or two in the morning. I remember, how his jokes always made me laugh to myself whenever I'm lonely. I remember, how we childishly invited each other into our own dreams. I remember, how we called each other offensive and also sweet names. I remember, he didn't reply my text cause he fell asleep on the floor, waiting for me to reply. I remember, we said 'I love you' before we sleep, but the difference is, my words were real... so;
Until one day, he met new friends...
I understand that we're just best friends, but I'd fallen for him... I'd fallen for my best friend..
" Heyy..since when did I have you in my contact? haha!" was his very first words to me...
" What the hell do you want again? " was his very last words to me...
If only he knew what and how I'm feeling..... he'll understand..if he lets his egoness leave his side for a second..
I know that I have to let go.... How I wish I'd stayed cold so that it won't hurt this much. So that I do not have to wait for him to realise.. Now I'm not ready to open up again. Or maybe I won't open up anymore. I'm scared, the same mistakes will come back. Songs that I'd listened, kept reminding of him..him...and just him....
Crown The Empire - lead me out of the dark
Evan Taubenfeld - Best years of our life
I wanna let go...I wanna let him free...free from my mind, free from my life... But when I do, I'm afraid that he'll come back. So please, please don't come back...I'm weak. Just keep walking your endless road. But always know, that I'd loved and cared about you...I miss you
I'd hated you too, but I forgave you...cause,
I wanna start anew....
I wanna to have a guy best friend that won't leave...that will be here for me, like I will for him... that understands why am I talking randomly and all....that shows me that they'll be here..
And I guess, it's just a matter of time....
I'll try to start anew...
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