I'm glad you're happy now

Hey guys! hahahah! I'm broken hearted now.. ='p

I feel like crying, but I can't. Hahaha!

My godddd..... I've been waiting for him for 5 years now? and all I got is this?

Few days ago, I met him in a mall in my town. He was with a girl. She was like grabbing him for a while. They were walking to Mum's bakery haha! I was trying to put all those negative stuff out of my mind..like she's his.

And I guess, those negative stuff is true. =)

I hurts.

Then, I was browsing through my facebook inbox and saw this beautiful picture of him and a girl. I was beautiful, but it hurts me.

What if I.....

What if....

Hahahaaha! my godddd.....

I'm glad he found the one. I bet she's his everything.... =')

I hope they'll last forever! =D

It hurts.

Back fresh

Oh hiiii!
Uh....I never expect my cousin(s) would read this blog. So, Andy, if you're reading.........................STALKER! =p hahaha!

Just wanna update some..y'know...random shits kekeke!
Oh, about school stuff!

ok, it's been almost 2 months I've been teaching and so far so good, cause we get to understand each other better. I mean 'we' as the students and I. But those pain-in-the-ass students, what did I do when they're being such pain-in-the-ass? IGNORE THEM! =8)
I know, maybe it's a bad idea, but I hate kids and I also hate to persuade people (including kids...derrrr). So, I'll just let them rot! muahahaha! Jokinggggggggggg x'p

So...and erm...I don't think I'm gonna make a vid or a blog to share my poems ahahh! Idk why...

And I'll be going to uni read soooooooon..it'll start in August? I haven't have my interview yet..I think for those who applied need an interview. =S


I think that's all! Chaw and take care! =)

Me again.

Hi guys.. I'm sooo sorry for not updating my shits. Internet sucks here. Like seriously. And I'm super busy with my works. Not school works, but school works =p hahah! heyyy, I'm a teacher! =) An teacher to my previous school, Chung Hwa.

I have a lot to say..but I'm scared that the connection will go off all of a sudden (what the hell?)..okey, I'll type real quick. =S

The first day WAS HELL! Everything or everyone was hell!!! hahaha! After having a beautiful break for 3 months, suddenly the principal called me. And I agreed and accept the job. Little did I know, it wasn't as I'd expected.

Some students are really adorable. Some are okey. Some are quiet. Some are reaaaaaaaaally talkative. Some are understanding. Some are crying babies. Some do not have fucking manners. hahaha! Ughh..Do you wanna know what's the hardest?
Ans: unable to swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T.T hahahah!

I have to act mature and all.. haha! No fun, no fun at all. I'm telling you.

The teachers there...they're very helpful and kind (I think) haha!
Gossips are something we can't avoid.

huh..I wanna share my experience to you guys. But thinking about it, already makes me tired --" fuck it all. hahaha!

Yes, I kinda regret accepting this job, but it actually gets better every week (I think). No matter how much I hate it, but I will promise you to teach them, to share my knowledge to them with all my heart.

Why? Because they will...no, they trust you and your teaching. And my teaching will help them and their future.

I think that's all. Will update you guys soon. Love you! =')

They talk about SMART; discriminate the LAST

Hi guys! Whatsup? =) Sorry for not updating(?) Hoho! Btw, I've gotten my 'A' level result and it didn't come well. It wasn't what I've expected...I have higher expectations, my tutors too, they have high(er) expectations from me, but I guess I'd let them down ='(

My mum didn't really give a crap. She said that what matters is that I have enough credits(points) to enter university. And guess what? ='( I"VE REACHED THAT STANDARD! =D So yayyy!! I'm going to uni! x')

I kindaaaaaaa aimed to go for scholarship, but....hmmm...nevermind. We can get scholarships even when we're in uni.......if we get GREAT grades!
It's embarrassed for me to say this but, I got a fcukinnn' 'e' for my GP! I was..no, I'm shocked and my tutor too. I normally get a 'b' for my GP(General Paper) and lowest will be 'c' (but I guess not anymore) F it!

We have this so-called Paper2..data analysis..it's bout surgeon and blah3. In my country, surgeon means the person who does the surgery, but in ermm...other places, surgeon means the operation room (am I right?). I knew that AFTER my exam!  damn...

So yeah, because I'm not the brighty brightie bright so bright student, can you believe me? it's like all damn tutors just ignore my existence.. Haha! maybe not just me... I'm better than the good ones. But I'm thinking..what about the ones who are worse than my result?

In brunei, it's like the opposite of the western country. Here, we only have money, position and education level to gain respect. No celebrities, no writer, no damn actors can make you famous and gain respect from others. THAT IS SAD, YES I KNOW.

This is so unfair. but what can I do? I mean what can we do to change that since it's like a culture already. Pathetic.

Can you imagine, there's this tutor who I hated and hate so much since the first day I step my awesome leg into my school. He never make eye contact with, never talk to me, never face me...TOTALLY ignoring me. While he went all flirty shitty with my friends (guys and girls), make lame jokes and all. ughh.. And when he was briefing about scholarship shits (cause I was there..so I assume that he assumed that I'm smart and 'useful' to my country), for the very first time, he TALK to me...look at me and talk..F-ing explaining shits. But today, haha! shits happen again. It's as if......shit. The SAME all him is treating me like I'm some kind of species like him. F U.

He even embarrassed my bestie cause she's isn't what bruneians call "smart"...the stuff he told the whole class (indirectly) was suppose to be a secret, but he asked her aloud in class. Me and her, the subjects we take aren't similar at all. I'm in the science stream and she's in the business stream. She was soooo embarrassed about what that tutor have done to her. She texted me about it and I have to calm her down. Damn that tutor.

But I'll look whatever happen in a positive way, to motivate myself to be a better person. My dream is to be rich! Haha! Cause I'm tired of having to worry how much I've spent of stuff. I wanna build a house for my family, a house with large compound, without having to worry does it worth or not. I wanna donate my money to those who needs the most of the most.

Oh goshh..I think I've said too much nonsense here. Haha! Thankyou for reading these craps?

Cause you're on my mind

Hi guys.. How are you guys?
I'm kinda depressed right now. Haha!
I've (stupidly) listened to 'Say something - A Great Big World ft Christina Aguilera'
 Ohhh damnn... at first I don't really understand the lyrics, but today I don't know why suddenly it hit me. I realised that those are the words I wanna tell him and how I've felt all there years.

Shieettt... I feel like dying right now. Haha! Goshh...

To those of you who have been broken hearted and unable to move on, just like me...
I hope..really, really hope you guys are stronger than I was...than I am.

I did have some random crush on other guys, but I'm just afraid to get close to them. Haha!
Why? cause I feel safe at my spot. Don't wanna move forward or backward. I'm safe... I'm safe.

Phewww! I'm feeling much better right now for typing these out. For now.

I hope you guys are alright. Take care! =)

It's safer if you haven't text me at all

Hi guys! How are y'all doing?

I'm here right now, writing my blog cause my mind has jumbled up.

It was about 6pm when I looked at the text that he sent me..it was around 2pm?
I kinda had forgotten who he is cause I've deleted his phone number and all this text. Texts he'd written on papers, I've gotten rid some of them. He told me that he apologises for all the mess he'd done. Yeah, we've been ignoring each other all these time. That's the best thing we can go. I mean I can do after I'd pushed him away even though he told me that he'll try to wait. But it was less than a month or two. He found someone. They'd gotten along really well though there's some obstacles I know cause my friends told me so. It was kinda a childish problem..where the person who was close to the girl kinda threaten him by saying childish stuff. He's kinda the third person, but it wasn't his fault to fall for this girl. It's about the girl's choice. I told him before, and I hope he still remembers it.
so yeah, he's texted me and now my mind is really a mess right now. I don't know what to say. The funny this is..he said, " It's almost christmas, so i guess i'm brave enough to ask for apologise frm you".
What should I do? He apologised and asked me to do the same as well? Or was it me who think differently? Or am I correct? Or does he apologise cause it's almost christmas? Or does christmas needs apologies?

Oh God! It's better if he haven't text me or such.. I'm so lost right now.

Just now, before reading or knowing he would text me..my mind was thinking about my future, my life and how am I gonna improve my life and my family's.

If he's asking for forgiveness. He's asked the wrong person, cause I couldn't forgive him. I did push him away, but that doesn't mean my feeling is completely gone for a month or two. It hurts to see things I never expect to see. The toughest thing I have to do was to be tough in front of my friends and seeing my friends pretend too so that they won't hurt my feelings.

Why did I push him? Haha! cause I didn't trust his words he said. I've experienced such shits. And I was right..I never regret pushing him away..cause the result is clear after the one or two month.

Until now I have no idea what to say..Should I apologise cause I wanted to? or cause he asked for it?
I don't know! I don't know!

And the reason I'm putting this in my blog, it's because I don't wanna write it into my diary. It hurts to read it when I'm writing another problem of mine next time. I never wanna tell anyone about it, not my sis or my best friend(s). Never my mum.

Oh God..help me...
I don't wanna do this.
Why the fuck would he even text me? Asking for forgiveness because she told him to? Or was it because he's feeling guilty? Or was it because he's afraid of God's punishments? Or was it because he wanna be friends again? ( I know this won't be the reason tho)

I'd told him that I've forgotten everything and forgave him, but the fact is I'm too weak to do both of them. I'm so sorry. The anger hasn't fade yet.

I think I can forgive him for what he'd said to me..even the lies. But I can't forgive him on what I saw, when I was still.... I still can't.. I hate to see the guilty looks in my friends' faces..picking their words carefully or the 'oh no' looks they gave me when they accidently talked bout him..

Haha! What should I say? what should I reply him?

I'll feel guilty for not replying him..

Chased, escape..dreams.

Hi guys! =)

As my previous post stated that I'm gonna talk 'bout my dreams..

Yeah, the dreams that I'd dreamt because I was dreaming when I was dreaming. Haha! Annoyed? =p Who cares? Lets have fun!

So, I remembered of being chased and I was escaping from someone. No, I wasn't just a person, there were I think 3? 2 kids and 1 adult. The guy (adult) had (or was it have? ) a crush on my mum and I remembered that I wasn't really myself at that time and I told him that I'm gonna tell my mum about this. And he was nervous and wanna stop me. He was scared and looked like he'll do anything to stop me from exposing that secret of him. Oh, he told me that he had ( or have) and crush on my mum..that's how it'd started.
I quickly enter the car (my car) and try to drive away. Then there were 2 kids (?) trying to stop me. And I was really scared and try'na drive away as quick as I could. I remember telling myself that my driving skills are okey and has improved a lot..so it'll be smooth. But when I got to the main road..there were a lot of cars (like duhh) racing like hell. And I panicked. I didn't know if I'm gonna make it or not..If I'm gonna live or not. Cause the guy looked like he's gonna hurt me and the cars will kill me instantly if I wasn't cautious.. I have the fear until today.
Haha! I know it was a dream, but it'll bring a big impact to you..like falling from the stairs or buildings. Gosh, that feeling you got that'll wake you up. For sure.

Other dreams..I can't remember, but I knew that I was being chased too..cause you know the feeling you got. We tend to remember the feelings we feel when we were dreaming eventhough we'll forget the dreams. True or true? =p

The very recent one is..I was at the beach..having picnic I guess with I don't know who they are. I think they are my friends. I remember that I walked...keep walking. I don't know if I was trying to run away or trying to find something or someone. All I can remember is the sky..the sunset. I was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L! =) Really beautiful.


I'm doing my research right now and found out that being chased is because you're afraid to face the reality and have phobias or fears about or on something.

Links will be here:
www.dreamdictionary.org/common/chase-dreams/

dreamstop.com/chase-dreams/

It's all from the internet. They're good.
So I guess that's all! Haha! Thankyou so reading (if you're actually reading)