Tired of.........keeping my head high

After feeling exhausted and sad, because I knew that I have to let him go.....NOTHING gets better! Today doesn't make anything better from yesterday! Everything and everyone is annoying to me!
Damn...I just need  to rest a while, but life never care how tired I was and I am..

I'm always trying to be a nice, strong and cool person to everyone.. there are times that I'm all low, weak and sad. No one cares about that...cause why would they?
Maybe you're thinking that I'm an annoying girl that complains everything..well, I've pushed myself off my limits and I really need to let everything go out of my chest..

Tired of helping people with their problems. Tired of giving people advice. Tired of these fake smiles I have. Tired of cheering people up. Tired of pretending that everything is ok. Tired of trying to make people smile or laugh. Tired of holding everything in. Tired of missing somebody. Tired of holding in my anger. Tired of staying strong. TIRED OF KEEPING MY HEAD HIGH.

How I really wish that someone will make me feel better without even knowing it. Without knowing how broken or tired I am.... Without knowing that I'm weak too...
I'm just a human...trying to fit in...
Like faking a smile will make everything better..

What I hate most is, people always push you off your limits.
What I hate most is, people never appreciate you for what you've done for them.

I believe some of you do understand what I'm feeling now....

They judge you for your mistakes and not your every single good deeds you've done in the past. People are blind!

They hate me cause I talk a lot when I'm hyper. I do TRY to talk a lot when I'm down, so that I sounded normal..but, fcuk it!
I'm a person that swears a lot...they got annoyed and some started to offend or 'scold' me..but do I give a damn? Well, no and never! If you can't handle me, so just get lost. I'm tired for not able to be who I am..

And yes, sometimes I did offend someone on purpose cause of what they'd done to me...if I'm not able to stay calm any further..oh yeah, my words are gonna hurt. But then, I regretted for what I've done.
But starting tomorrow, I'm not gonna apologise for what shieets I've said or done. Enough is enough.
I'm *sigh* I'm...really disappointed and TIRED.. I feel like giving up everything...

Hatred is all in my heart now...
Save me...

You left me broken

Hi peopleee! I would like to get rid of this confusing, mixed up feelings by typing...and typing.....
My best friend, Mie met him.....Jerry at Huaho and did talked bout his dreams.. She did that for me --" cause she'd heard rumors that he has a girl already..

Mie asked him bout...I have no clue how did she ask him..but she'd texted me.
" I have a good news! He doesn't have a girlfriend! He said he wants to study, get a degree, then find the girl then get married "
Hahaha! He's still as mysterious and funny like before.. =)

I remembered how he left me and never tell me the reasons why... There he drifted away... and on 28th April will be the third year of us knowing each other. I still can feel a little of the pain when he left me bleeding. I still can see the scars on my arm that I've cut years before... haha! fuck....
but I know I'm slowly healing... I've grown stronger, yet colder..
I'm still trying to fix all those broken pieces together with my bleeding hands...

Whatever it is..ahha! I'm trying to let go...I'm tired of telling myself that everyday.. but I know that is the right thing.. God never gave me a tiny chance to meet him..or if it's so...was that even him?

I just hope that he'll be happy with whoever he will be in the future...
I hope that he's happy without me =)

It's hard to let go, cause he's my first love hahaha! we're never together, but has been dating 2 years ago..

I have to move on..
I wanna start falling in love again..
Goodbye, Love! I've never regretted knowing you.. =) I wanted to wait, but you have to know that I couldn't wait forever... two months left to 3 years....It's been a while...

His smile...I'm falling for it...

So there he was, at the sitting at the back laughing with his friend.

He was at the very right side of the classroom.

I was sitting alone at the very left side of the classroom.

And there he was, smiling every time the tutor asks him a question.

There he was...his smile.. I'm falling for it..

I'd turned to look at him whenever he answers the questions.

Gawddd! His smile...

It brightened my day...

I still have the image in my head...but it fades day by day...

The next class we had,

His seat was empty...and his friend was lonely..

The tutor told us that, that day was his last day....

But it was my first day....

So that day was the first and the last time I met him...

His smile....I'm falling for it....

But I know I couldn't have him....

And I don't even know his name...

SORRY to be away for so long!

Hey guys! I apologise to be away for so long...
Damn..I was really busy with homework, and works from my club.. new club...
I volunteered to draw our club's logo..and I'm fuckin' happy that my drawing was chosen x'D and then, I was given a job to 'advertise' this new club.. so yeah, I have to work with two different people...different attitude...
I was upset when I was asked to work with this girl that I really dislike a first..cause she's damn bitchy! but after working with her, I had fun and glad that she's my partner for the club's logo.. She's a girl that I can rely on and she's really responsible =)
However, the another girl...the one that I'm suppose to work with to 'advertise' our club...she's okey..but I don't know...yesterday she messaged to bring my laptop and she'll give me her pendrive so that I can edit the advertisement...since she'll be having a Geography field trip. so yeah, I replied her (with my mum's phone) and brought my laptop just now ( IT WAS SOOOO HEAVY!) but where is she? --"

And I LEFT MY LAPTOP IN THE SCHOOL'S LOCKER!!! And damn, tomorrow is Friday! ( in Brunei, we'll have our break every Friday and Sunday) @^@^**(!&*!! this is the second time I'd left my laptop in school...once, it's in the library..and now, in my locker!! D=

And my school, PTET will be having an 'open day' on this Saturday 02/02/13..and we're still undone... the slides and all.. I'm glad that the logo is done*phewww >.>

oh oh!! I was voted to the the club's secretary! =D
My mum dislike my happiness that I was chosen, cause it's a lot of work.. trueeeeeeeeeee....since I'l be having my AS and A2 this year! D=

I'm really gonna work hard xD cause I wanna study abroad...to England! Cause my crush is studying there ;p muaahahaha!! I wanna go to the same school as him jajaja!!

So I guess that's all for my update ;p take care everyone!
ohh..I planned to show you guys some of the pictures of what we'd done....but.....everything is in the my locker --"

What am I in your eyes?

Crap...After I've published my new updated post, I then, read my best friend's blog and it was really disappointing =') really.....
Really................... but what can I do? What am I to her?
I've hated the word BEST FRIEND since I was younger....and I hate it now.
Damn, I almost broke down just now...cause......I'm just disappointed haha! I hope I'll forget everything by tomorrow cause I think I'm gonna meet her (by chance) at school..

It was 2011, her blog stated, the guy that she liked, likes someone else.... M is his 'name'
And I NEVER, EVER, EVER knew bout that..... what? I thought best friends are suppose to y'know... She knew bout Jerry, the guy I........ whatever.
I mean, I really, really couldn't understand. It's 2013 now, and I...... hahahaha!! It's hilarious isn't it?
Perhaps, past should be past.... but I still think I can be trusted to hold her 'secrets'?
I've been expecting too much...
.
.
.
.
.

Who am I? I couldn't believe what I've just read. haha! If only I go to the kitchen to eat, rather than reading her blog... (I didn't stalk, blogs are meant to be read. PLUS, SHE DIDN'T BOTHER) 
I wouldn't want to talk to her for this mean time.... childish much? Well F U, like I care.
She has lots of problems, especially her family problems. I really hope she can make it through...

But I hope to talk to her, someday... not just bout the things that I think I should know, and I didn't know until today.....but everything.....about.......
I just don't wanna bother her since she's not that strong at this moment.....
Just the matter of time I guess.

HAHA! what the fuck am I talking bout??? I bet I'll forget everything after I had my sleep..gawdd! =D

Dexter's wedding BTS pictures 12/1/13

Yaww! I stopped by here, just to show you guys some pictures that I took yesterday at my cousin's wedding! Congrates to Dexter and Fion! =)
I have nothing much to share...just some pictures!
Wait..... speaking of pictures, reminds me of camera. Speaking me of camera, reminds me of a photographer. Speaking of a photographer, reminds me of a career. Speaking of career, reminds me of....... ME -.-"
Speaking me ME, reminds me of my future career. I'm a science student, but sadly, I'm not interested of becoming a surgeon or a doctor or a pharmacist or....I don't know. I'm more into things like being a psychologist, artist, composer, novelist, photographer, actress and all those --" I'm actually quite disappointed in myself.. --"

Oh ya! The pictures! Here they are~ some behind the scene pictures~

Mah sister, just messing with her
hair

This is mah cousin's pose when I asked him to
pose randomly -.-" but, damn, he looked
disgustingly sexy HAHA! =p

Asshole preparing for his bro's wedding

The view outside the hotel we're in

Mah sis....Idk what she's doing --"

Flowers that the family members have to
have with them

Gayness spotted HAHA

*speechless* --" Mah mum took this picture...
so yeah, I hope it explains everything

Mah another sexy cousin that lose around
40 kgs withing 8 months! =p

 Lemme show you guys how successful he is at my next update! x( I'm sooo jealous!!

Those lil girls that me and mah sis had the same shirt on! =D

ermmmm...

 During the wedding~

Mah 6 years old niece with her teacher dancing
on stage

The bride and groom....and the comedian --"
Dirty minded comedian that entertained
everyone

The dancers danced the 'Gangnam style'

Oppa Gangnam Style~~~

Sexy ladayh~ op op op, oppa gangnam syle =p

This part is funny when... -.-" I bet every each of you
know it

I took this pic, cause the guy with blue shirt...looks like
Jerry =') but, Jerry is ego, a lil bit taller and thinner

Here we go again....

Yayyyers... I stil looked short, tho I had my heels on.. FUUUUU

 So yeahhh....I still have more pictures to share, but there's too many, so I picked randomly.. hoho! Byes! =D

Karma? You don't say....

Hi guys! I just wanna share a short funny + stupid + that's what she deserved +++++ what I think is cool story....
Just wanna make things clear, this is not a back stabbed or whatever you think it is? This is REALITY.

So yeahhh...today my friend whom I have the same Physics class with were being asked by our class tutor. He's a really funny, cool, hyper old man.
We were learning bout Ideal gases and blah3.... real gas....
He asked, " so, if the gas gets smaller and smaller and smaller. Then, what will happen? Viv! "
" Ermm....disappear "
" No, the gas, like oxygen don't disappear... it will then turned into liquid "
Then, all my friends (including me) laughed. I looked at her, she was half asleep and her face was serious, because she was OFFENDED..
So, I tried to hold my laughter, but ended up giggling...phewww! How I wish to laugh harder..but I know she's offended, and I don't wanna double it..

But, my point is......she's OFFENDED. I mean, c'mon.... I find this karma-ish...cause she kept offend people...her friend, but insulting the thing they have, I mean we have. Oh, cause it's like she's rich and she has branded, expensive things. While we have.............duhhhh....
Last 2 days, it was in registration class, and I asked her and my other friend what time was it...and explained to them the reason why I kept asking for the time (every 2-3 days)... It's all cause my watch is not digital or added battery-ish kind of watch........ -ish.... it's the type that you have to shake it, and then the hand of the....whatever...watch(?) will start doing it's job. That is, ticking...

But I was surprised when she said, " pffftt...that's (my watch) lousy! "
I just smiled...cause I was offended? I kept telling myself, it's alright cause I'm happy living like this. I don't care what brand I use or wear. I don't wanna live her way, where she'll have to spend all her money and pride, just to act like a 'celebrity' and act like she's damn rich and also, updating on fashion....when actually she's just normal....I mean, I have tonnes of reasons to say that. It's tiring to live that way, yknow.
So, stay cool is always the best! =D cause I believe that karma will show her what 'offending people' is....or perhaps....are.

And yeah, I guess that all. Oh oh! and she was furious about my friends (which is also her friends..duhhh) laughed at her. She feels as if people were disrespecting her....

Wake up, girl! ^^