Their trust

Few day ago, my maths teacher told us (class : maths block 1) that...

" okeyyy...so far, there's only two people that passed the test " ....cause she hasn't finished marking our papers

And I got a damn good news today...

" so, I've marked your papers. And there's only 2 people that passed! "

So, guess what? I'm one of the passed damn genius! I got the second place though....the marks wasn't as good as how excited I sound................................but yeahhhh, I got hyper and just wanna share (or show off hehe!!) to my friends......and I planned to tell my parents about it just now.....until the thought of them not trusting crawled into my mind...

Not only my mum, but also my dad.....they didn't trust me...

I'm really, really upset right now...

When I say trust, I mean, me...

My mum doesn't trust me when I say that I'm hanging out with my girl-friends....

My dad too....

" She always stays back at school, I'm wondering if she does that for good (study) or hanging out with guys "

Yeahhh..nowadays I stay back at school, because I wanna change my laziness and in the end I regret for not trying hard in my studies. Life in college isn't easy at all.

Peer pressures. Pressures that teachers put on you as well. Assignments. and bullshits.....

When my mum told me about it...it really broke my heart into pieces. I was really trying hard to prove them that, even though I'm a slow type of person, a person that doesn't know how to cook and a very dependent person, but I'M NOT A USELESS DAUGHTER.

I don't exist for them to compare me with their friends' child who's so perfect and all!

I wanna show that I'm at least capable of something.
I wanna them to be proud of me.

I want them to know that I'm really trying hard to succeed.

I want them to know that I'm serious in what I say.

I wanna prove them that what happened 3 years ago wasn't luck.

I wanna prove them that I'm actually a fighter.

........

And

.......

I want them to realised that I've changed....

I've tried hard not to shout at them, instead, I keep them all te anger to myself

I've tried hard not to upset them, instead, I'm a pathetic daughter in their eyes

I've tried hard to hide these pains away, instead, I suffer every night

I've tried hard to prove them wrong, instead, I didn't have their support

I've tried hard to change, instead, I didn't have their trust.

So yeah, I've made my final decision, I'm not gonna tell them anything...

Happy or upsetting news...or whatever... It's just nothing.....It's just wasting my time....

" Oh, great! Keep it up!"

That's what they'll say....I knew it..

I'm feeling incomplete, broken without their trust....

Maybe some of you understands.

Maybe for some of you, it's nothing.

Maybe you're thinking that it's just a small matter and just get over it.

Maybe you're thinking that no one fucking cares

Maybe you're thinking I'm just a piece of shit that complains life.

But you'll never know unless you put on my shoes and walk with it for 18 years...

WE ARE NOT THE SAME

What I've said here, are just part of my story.... what happened in the past, I hope I could forgive my fucking stupid, useless self and forgive everyone too..