'Stickman' has died here

I don't know if this makes any sense..but I've finally figured out why he left me.. I may be wrong..damn wrong. But with all the missing puzzles that I'd finally assemble them together... It was because of him? You may laugh at me if I'm wrong...

" Triangle :) " " I'm happy, if you're happy "

I don't know....... does that indicate to me? or maybe I just think that it's for me...

'Stickman' was the nickname that I'd called you, remember? ^^

Hey, stickman, if you are reading this..........I hope you will... I just wanna tell you that..I never, ever did or say whatever he told you 2 years ago. Please, please believe me. Last year......the reason I apologised were because I care and entered you life. I did not apologise for things I never did or say..

You never reply my text anymore...for a reason which I need to take another 2 years to figure out huh? It's really torturing, but I never gave up. And this is the only way I can 'talk' to you...but somehow..... you're............

That's all... I'm happy if you're happy too, Stickman =) I don't think I will be able to see you, even from a distance in this 1 or 2 months... Take care

I wonder if you find me annoying

13/4/13
So yeah, we'd texted for 1 week and now he'd stopped replying. We only texted once per day..and now not even one anymore. I wanna ask whether he's busy or what shits...but I'm really scared that he'll find me annoying. I kept thinking if I'm really nothing anymore? Not even a friend? When things like this happen, I tend to figure out what I'd done wrong. What have I written that made him doesn't wanna reply.
Help  me, please tell me what to do..

It hurts.... It's killing me.. I'd promised to God that I will move on after meeting him and talked to him..and yeah, my wishes are granted after 2 years and I need to move on. Trying to let go and move on, pretending like I don't give a damn on anything, killed me and stabbed me deeper.

I have so much to tell him, but I swear I will only tell those words I wanna say just right before I'm gone.
I've planned to leave Brunei and continue my futher studies abroad. I don't know how long will it take.

And I hope that he's happy with his decision.. if he doesn't reply today.. It means everything is over, cause waiting hurts every single soul. I don't know.... I just don't know. I hope he's happy, that's all.
I'm fed up!

3/5/13
Now I'm giving you space that you wanted. I've deactivated all my accounts because of you. I'm scare of another heartache cause you kept ignoring me. I've stopped going to the place where I know I'll see you. So, if this is what you've wanted... just pretend that I never exist if you wish. I have no control of that ^^ Tell me of you're ready to see me or talk to me again.. =)

Lil things

I bet we all already knew that...sometimes a stupid lil things can control our whole life...entire day!

I hate it! I hate who a person can make you feel so low..

Yeah, we've started texting last 3 days, but he'd stopped replying since yesterday and I really didn't know what I've done wrong this time. I really don't. He'd seen my text and then didn't reply anymore..I kept telling myself to be positive cause who knows he's buzy or there's no internet connection. But I don't know anymore.. at first our texts were fun and random, but then.....damnn...what have I done wrong again?

Should I text him again? I don't think so, cause I'm afraid that he'll find me annoying. And he'll find some stupid excuses just to get rid of me again. He'd asked me about school..then I'd replied...and now my mood is hanging upside down.

WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG THIS TIME?!

If we met coincidentally, I don't know how to react anymore. Should I be happy or mad or run away or.....I don't know.

But ha! I'll just get over it... since I've told myself that I will take this risks as I've already knew that this would happen ^^

Suit yourself. I just wanna our broken friendship to be better, but you would let me fix it.. so, just suit yourself. ^^

Never good enough

Have you every feel that you are never good enough, no matter how hard you try?

That is my current situation right now, cause yesterday I went to the tutors' office (there are around 10 tutors in one big office) and gave a permission slip to my Physics tutor, and he lend me my test paper. And guess what? It was 27 out of 44! which means I got a fcuking 61% for my Physics. I'd practiced Phys past year papers, and got such a disgraceful marks.

I found the Phys test is easier than Biology... if I got a stupid 61% for my Phys, what about my Bio? FML!

I've focusing on Phys a lot more than Bio..but this is what I got. I've changed my way of studying, that is constantly revising my Phys than any other subjects.

And my friends told me that Statistics - maths was damn hard. oh my God...I think this year will be the worst. Haha! I remembered I've said that I wanna be the top 10 students, but being the top fucking disgraceful shit is possible..

My parents always say, " Try harder and be more focus", but I always break down when they say those motivational words. Tears are already in my eyes when I type those --"

I don't know why, I'm just never good enough. My sister is like everything. She's smart, polite, lovely and all. But what am I? I'm nothing from all those characters she has.

I swear that last 2 years, when I was having O level, I wasn't really trying at all. And I forgave myself. So I'm trying really, really hard last year and this year, but this year is such a disaster. I HATE IT!

Lights - 'cactus in the valley'

Is now describing my situation right now. I wish to tell my parents those words in the lyrics..