Tired of.........keeping my head high

After feeling exhausted and sad, because I knew that I have to let him go.....NOTHING gets better! Today doesn't make anything better from yesterday! Everything and everyone is annoying to me!
Damn...I just need  to rest a while, but life never care how tired I was and I am..

I'm always trying to be a nice, strong and cool person to everyone.. there are times that I'm all low, weak and sad. No one cares about that...cause why would they?
Maybe you're thinking that I'm an annoying girl that complains everything..well, I've pushed myself off my limits and I really need to let everything go out of my chest..

Tired of helping people with their problems. Tired of giving people advice. Tired of these fake smiles I have. Tired of cheering people up. Tired of pretending that everything is ok. Tired of trying to make people smile or laugh. Tired of holding everything in. Tired of missing somebody. Tired of holding in my anger. Tired of staying strong. TIRED OF KEEPING MY HEAD HIGH.

How I really wish that someone will make me feel better without even knowing it. Without knowing how broken or tired I am.... Without knowing that I'm weak too...
I'm just a human...trying to fit in...
Like faking a smile will make everything better..

What I hate most is, people always push you off your limits.
What I hate most is, people never appreciate you for what you've done for them.

I believe some of you do understand what I'm feeling now....

They judge you for your mistakes and not your every single good deeds you've done in the past. People are blind!

They hate me cause I talk a lot when I'm hyper. I do TRY to talk a lot when I'm down, so that I sounded normal..but, fcuk it!
I'm a person that swears a lot...they got annoyed and some started to offend or 'scold' me..but do I give a damn? Well, no and never! If you can't handle me, so just get lost. I'm tired for not able to be who I am..

And yes, sometimes I did offend someone on purpose cause of what they'd done to me...if I'm not able to stay calm any further..oh yeah, my words are gonna hurt. But then, I regretted for what I've done.
But starting tomorrow, I'm not gonna apologise for what shieets I've said or done. Enough is enough.
I'm *sigh* I'm...really disappointed and TIRED.. I feel like giving up everything...

Hatred is all in my heart now...
Save me...

You left me broken

Hi peopleee! I would like to get rid of this confusing, mixed up feelings by typing...and typing.....
My best friend, Mie met him.....Jerry at Huaho and did talked bout his dreams.. She did that for me --" cause she'd heard rumors that he has a girl already..

Mie asked him bout...I have no clue how did she ask him..but she'd texted me.
" I have a good news! He doesn't have a girlfriend! He said he wants to study, get a degree, then find the girl then get married "
Hahaha! He's still as mysterious and funny like before.. =)

I remembered how he left me and never tell me the reasons why... There he drifted away... and on 28th April will be the third year of us knowing each other. I still can feel a little of the pain when he left me bleeding. I still can see the scars on my arm that I've cut years before... haha! fuck....
but I know I'm slowly healing... I've grown stronger, yet colder..
I'm still trying to fix all those broken pieces together with my bleeding hands...

Whatever it is..ahha! I'm trying to let go...I'm tired of telling myself that everyday.. but I know that is the right thing.. God never gave me a tiny chance to meet him..or if it's so...was that even him?

I just hope that he'll be happy with whoever he will be in the future...
I hope that he's happy without me =)

It's hard to let go, cause he's my first love hahaha! we're never together, but has been dating 2 years ago..

I have to move on..
I wanna start falling in love again..
Goodbye, Love! I've never regretted knowing you.. =) I wanted to wait, but you have to know that I couldn't wait forever... two months left to 3 years....It's been a while...

His smile...I'm falling for it...

So there he was, at the sitting at the back laughing with his friend.

He was at the very right side of the classroom.

I was sitting alone at the very left side of the classroom.

And there he was, smiling every time the tutor asks him a question.

There he was...his smile.. I'm falling for it..

I'd turned to look at him whenever he answers the questions.

Gawddd! His smile...

It brightened my day...

I still have the image in my head...but it fades day by day...

The next class we had,

His seat was empty...and his friend was lonely..

The tutor told us that, that day was his last day....

But it was my first day....

So that day was the first and the last time I met him...

His smile....I'm falling for it....

But I know I couldn't have him....

And I don't even know his name...