Hey, lemme tell you something that you never knew...
I know,
It hurts to fall.
It hurts to lose.
It hurts to know the truth.
It hurts to being used.
It hurts to be betrayed.
It hurts to love.
It hurts to hate.
It hurts to trust.
It hurts to care.
It hurts to let go.
It hurts to feel broken.
It hurts to breathe...
We are all, everyone, not you yourself, are born to lose, are born to fall, are born to be broken and all...
Believe it or not, those are the reasons why we are still here, why are we still standing on this ground...even all of our own..
Believe it or not, those shits made you stronger..
Believe it or not, those shits made you wiser...
When we fall and lose ourselves, c'mon, stand up with all the courage you have. Don't wait for anyone to pick you up, they might lose their grip and let you fall. So, stand up with your own feet, like you did when you were little. Your parents were there to tell you it's alright...but they did not help. Why? Cause they've been where you are now. They know that someday you will fall...
When we know the hidden truth, the truth that we're being used and betrayed. It hurts like flames burning in your open heart. That shows that they're not the one cause they are not good enough for you.. Grow up. Don't let them to drag you down again. Do not do the same for revenge, instead, do the opposite. Treat them good, treat them sincerely nice. oh, and do not forget to smile, always! even though you have to fake them, just smile!!
It hurts to love, cause you're just afraid that you're not good enough and you're the reasons for their tears. No, you're wrong! Be yourself, don't try to change just because you think you're not good enough. God created you unique. If you're the reason for their tears, appreciate that, cause they cared for you. You made mistakes, but it's okey. No one says that you're born perfect. But learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them. Chances are hard to find.
It hurts to hate, especially the ones you care for. They hurt you, you feel broken. You hate what they did to you. You wanna get over them, by hating them. But it seemed you kept for giving them because of those sweet memories of you all being together. Do not hate, because when you hate, you lose! but what do you have to do? Simple! Appreciate what you had with them, and keep them as memories. Start look at the bright side. I know, it's easier to just fall to the dark side, but c'mon, try!
"It took years to gain a trust, but seconds to break it"
Yes, this quote is true, isn't it? You may trust a person, but never try to give them all your trust. Because in this world, only you can trust the person when you're standing in front of a mirror, that is you. People normally trust someone who is beautiful, better, greater and all.. but what you see, are they just images or their soul? If you trust so much, it will break you as much as you trust that person. so, think about it before its's too late..
When you cared about someone so much, it is really hard to let go. Because you're just afraid to forget and lose what you had with that person. You're just scared. You wanna keep them as part of your memories, but you did not let go..not matter how much lies you told yourself that you've let go. Stop telling those lies! Make what you said happen! Just recall everything you had with that person, for one last time, then let go..
Because your happiness weren't theirs, don't let them to take away your happiness from you!
Because you will find yourself when you let go.
Because your happiness is when you are strong to let go.
Because your friends and families want you back.
You are broken, but no one seemed to fix you. Fix yourself! Believe in yourself. Believe that you're not weak. You may need some help from your friends or families. Let them help you. Listen to them. They're just putting the broken pieces of your soul together, but it's you to fix yourself with your believes.
Sometimes, we never wish to live, cause it hurts to breathe.
Have you ever try to end your life?
Have you ever feel so tired that you wanna stop breathing?
Have you ever wanna scream so loud that the world would listen to your pains?
I know, it's a yes, yes and a yes. But do look at the bright side. One day you'll understand why. Do not let the worthless things to bring you down. Keep breathing! Keep searching for the light in your dark box. There will be surprises if you win to fight! Do it step by step. You don't have to rush. It is like when you were little, you'll get surprises when you get good results in class or when you win at a running competition.
This is all I wanna say. I've been all these shits.
But I really wanna thank my friend, Joy, for helping me with what I've suffered for those blinding years.
He had hard times in helping me cause I never wanted to listen. But then, I tried to open my eyes.
I'm not completely healed yet, I still break down and question God when I recalled the hurtful past.
But I know I'm stronger.
I will be strong enough to get through all those shits... I BELIEVE.
If I can. Why can't you? We're the same.
We're made from flesh and blood...
Hi there again! I'm back! =) whatsup?
I'm not a fan of Demi, I just love her voice..she has the best voice. They're just pure from heart..
And some of her songs are just nice..
But then, her songs inspired me in every way..
Later on, I realised some of her stories substitute with mine..
They inspired me.. How she's became stronger...
While, me, I'm............................
I never ask for a life...
Her concern, her words...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_6jn6KDVEw
----
My dreams...every fucking dreams of mine, never come true..
In my school, we have this position called 'PG', I'm dying to get that position..
The reasons are for respect, pride and I love to feel responsible...because I've lost all of those long ago..
I fell, and keep falling, and start hating....
What have I done to deserve this? If life is so pain, why did He give it to me. I never ask for it! I never want it!!! I am weak! I hate to lie to myself everyday that I am strong!!
Loser!
I'm tired of being back-stabbed, unimportant, being used and all shits that are happening!
And I know, that there's others out there feeling exactly what I'm feeling... broken inside, faking a smile..
How I wish Demi would write a song about............
so Hiii!! How's everyone? I've getting a 'life' lately.. Here, in Brunei, we, students, are given 2 weeks holidays =D Anyway, today I just wanna share what happened on 24th July 2012..
She's my classmate. She's my partner in Physical Education. But the worst thing is, she's my best friend..
" It's okey to lose a friend, cause I still have many...", she said.
Here's how the story goes:
It was 24th July, our school ends at 2.30pm..and I always get back home earlier than her and some of my close friends. When I was in the car, on my way home, my mum asked me whether I wanna play badminton. So, before I agree, I messaged my 'best friend'..
" heyy, wanna play badminton? around 3.30pm at sport complex"
"no..I'm lazy"
".l.(((" <--- it was suppose to be .l.(-.-)" , but my phone is broken..so yeahh
Then, after 3 days later, one of my friend accidentally blurred out about what had happened that day. He wanna keep it as a secret, cause he's afraid I might feel betrayed..but, I forced him to say them all out.. after hours of trail and error.. I managed to force him to spill the 'secret' out.. he told me..
" do you remember that day when you asked her to play badminton with you?"
" yeahh..i do"
"so, it all happened that day....where......................"
"Cibai this girl!" she said.
"who are you talking about?" he asked
" It's your that one.....! stupid girl!"
" why did you call her so?"
" It's because she's stupid! like you! Give no respect for people! always hurt people!"
Then, her close friend, or so called best friend interrupted...
"yeahhh! she's only nice when she wants something from us!"
Then, he argued... threatening them....
" you guys talking bout her, do you know that I can just tell her about this? Why can't you guys talk behind me? cause I can tell her y'know"
" Just tell then, like we care.."
Then, the so called best friend interrupted again..
"yeah! so that she'll know that she hurts people with her words"
"and it's okey if she knows.... I just lose one friend, and I still have many............."
2 of my close friends were there at that time too...they were speechless..
So....yeah, maybe it's bad to be me. I claimed her as my best friend, but I can;t believe that she hates me for who I am.. I'm just rude..everything I do is rude.. If you asked me to open a bottle's cap, I might bend the bottle with it's cap in a funny shape in the end...
And when someone annoyed me, I will just keep quite. But the 'keep quite' sometimes will end up as an explosion..
seriously.. just because of my phone text " .l.(((( "
but I'm gald that her true colour is being shown... after 4 years.. ^^
and her so-called best friend..she was my classmate 6 years ago and we got 'close' starting this year...so yeahh... and when she said that I'm nice when I want something...it's all just because of me bullying her with a guy... for example, his name is Andre and her name is Amy..
So, I just called her Any....and at that time, I needed her help on something from facebook...which I can't remember..but I this it's bout our team..and I need her help.. but she refused, cause I called her Any.
So yeahh I retyped "Amy~" and then, green light....
But duhhhh!!! I never thought this would happen...
Knives and stories being created...
but it's okey, I.AM.STRONG.
Hiiii!!! awww!! It's been a while, really. And now I'm hungry...I know I'm random, but I'm me! I'm hyper now though~ wewewe~ I'm trying to make my blog interesting, cause I'm not an interesting person =/ so yeahh...I just want you guys to enjoy! ='/ and at least I'm getting a life here, rather than eat and sleep and chat and laugh and no life.... -.-"
Now I'm playing my facebook. Oh, add me up! Van Leaster =)
I'm chatting with my friends on facebook chat. and after that, I will have to do a birthday card for my friend whom I grew up with x) He's like a bratherrr to me! His birthday is tomorrow, but yeahh..this is like a last minute 'project'.. hopefully everything will be fine..because I went to the printing shop just now and the worker printed wrongly -.-" so i have to change plan! Plan B!!
I dont know if he'll like it or not..I just hope he appreciates it! He likes Lady Gaga and I'm doing something in his birthday card related to Lady Gaga =D
I guess that's all for my updates..see...I'm a boring person! But I'm born this way! hahahaah! ya right >.>
Hiiii everyone? what's up? I'm really sorry that i don't have the time to update my blog. And I really hope some of you guys could actually leave some comments to motivate me to update my blog. Yes, maybe it's boring =/ but this is the only way I can express myself instead of updating statuses in facebook, which I think is quite childish or something....
I'm gonna have my progress tests soon...real soon. And I'm in college now. I never really have the time to do whatever I want. Plus, the connection here sucks...especially Sunday. hmmm.....Wish me luck! =D
So, we'll meet again(?) soon(?) I definitely will update my blog whenever I'm free! So, byes and take care everyone!!
" Mum! I'm home!", Freya said with a force smile...
"omg! Are you alright?! Where that hell have you been?!"
"Mum.....I will officially break up with James tomorrow...I will meet him"
"No! No...! It's been 2 months...you've waited for him, wanting to see him! No! I don't want to see you lifeless for another 2 months! Please!"
"I'ts okey mum...I will be fine. Really...you have to trust me..."
Mrs. Truburn just walked away without saying a word....
"If that will make you happy, if that can change you to who you were 2 years ago...fine" she said, finally..
_______________________________________________________________
Why is the wind so cold? Why is the sky so dark like 2 days ago, the day she met the stranger? Why is the trees at the park looked sad?
Clutching her hands together, feeling nervous. What if it turned out the damn way she never wanted..that is...she can't say the word 'goodbye'...."he'll be coming soon......in a few minutes...he's never late.."
" Heyy, James..."she shouted.
" Ermm...heyy...!" he shouted back from a distance, walking cooly like he always did......'like he always did...'
" ha..ha..it's been a long time...err..how are you?"
'He looked thinner than he was 2 months back then', she thought..
" Just tell me what you want?"
Sadness suddenly filled her... 'he'd changed...a lot'
"I err....I just wanna know if you're err...okey.. and i guess you are now"
....James just remained silent....
"and I.....I wanna break up with you. I mean officially break up with you. I can't stand any longer, waiting for you...thinking of you...I just can't!!" And tears began to flow from he 'beautiful eyes'...that's what he used to call..
"ohh..I see. I'm okey with that. So that's all?"
"that's it? you're....not even regret for what you've done to me?"
"no...not at all. I'm happy with my life now. I'm happy with her"
"I'm glad to know that", Freya said with a smile, but tears kept flowing down.
"If that's all...I have to leave now. She's waiting for me...I'm sorry i can't spent a longer time with you.."
"ohh..so, this is the end. Goodbye.."
Before James could turn away, Freya turned away first.. " I'm not gonna see him leave like I did...I gonna walk my own way", she thought.
Suddenly, someone grabbed her by her arms..
" Please....don't leave me.....I'm not fine! I'm sorry! I just couldn't face you anymore. I've been waiting for your call or whatever. Yes, I'm waiting. I'm happy that I have the chance to see you today! I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I never mean to. I do this because I love you.."
Frozen, she turned around to face James who is crying like he did last year when she got into a car accident. His tears, his voice, his eyes were unforgettable.. they're just so perfect. Perhaps those were the reasons she fell for him....
"Please don't do this. Everyday I've cried for you. and I'm trying to move on starting today. I'm trying to be strong...Please let me go like I am right now. I don't trust you anymore. I know what you just said are lies, aren't they?? Please tell me they are...", trying to stay tough, but she lost.."Let me go....."
After her last words, he let go of her hands and Freya ran away, leaving him seeing her running away....she'll be gone.....and he'll be gone too...........
"I'm sorry....please wait for me....", James whispered.
Everyday felt dark and doom. The skies were crying. The wind blew softly, perfectly and silently...
The picture that was taken 2 years ago was held warm in her hands. She sat outside on the bottom of the dirty stairs of an old building, with holes at the roof, but enough to keep her sheltered. Feeling lost, cause was betrayed by her boyfriend, James.. She knew that she can't take it anymore, but she loved him..even though what he'd done to her..
Suddenly, a stranger with a dark jacket passed by her, with is face totally covered by his black cap's shadow. His right leg kicked her hands and the picture flew away...onto the wet, thick pool of water.. Then, she chased the picture like something that is really valuable..which it was...once....
" I'm sorry..I never meant to..."
"ohh..It's okey..really..." trying to dry off the water with her dark blue t-shirt with the word 'smile'
"heyy, c'mon, smile...it's even written in your shirt.."
Without saying a word, she just walked away...
"heyy.. what's your name?" she asked..
" I will tell you when you're able to smile...and if we meet again..."
"how am I gonna recognise you? you're covered in black.."
" No worries..you will...byes Freya..."
She was indeed shocked to hear what he called her. Yes, that's her name. Freya. The stranger's now totally gone into the darkness. Gone...gone....
"I have to move on..it's been 2 months. James never tried to make things better. He never tried to talk about it. Never tried to apologise, saying that he'd regret everything he'd done...". Warm tears started to flow down her soft wet cheek. "I have to move on..."
She then torn the picture into pieces and threw them in the air. Let the cold wind blew them away..far, far away from her soul.....
