what I want.

So, like the title...
my sister asked me, what I wanted for my birthday.

I'm so old already gais.. T.T damnn...

Anyway, Idk what i freaking want. I mean, when she doesn't ask, there are a lot of 'oh, i want this', 'i want that'...but when it comes to the real deal. My mind went blank! Zzz...

I mean, it's not that I'm demanding, but everyone should have a special day...at least once a year.

I told her I wanna oreo cake. But actually I don't. Mai gadd...it's complicated.

But now I think I know what shits I want for my birthday. I want people to greet me, not only greet cause Facebook told you. Meanwhile, I think I should celebrate for not self-harming, for at least 2 years already bebeyhhh!! During my bday, I wanna eat all food I love without having to puke them all out. Yes, I'm sorry...but bulimia... that's where I am now. I wanna enjoy food from restaurants that I have never been. I wanna spend time, maybe at least 2 hours in the dinner table with my family, and not talking about school or future. I don't wanna hang out with friends, just family. I'm not really a family type of person, but when it come to my bday, my family is the one that is the most sincere one. During my bday, I wanna be appreciated. Fuck. No. Idk. Whatever. Thinking about this is killing me. Fuck.

I just wanna be myself. No bulimia shits. No whatever. U just wanna enjoy.

How about you gais? =)

I've shared my piece. Don't forget to share yours.

Chaw! =)

I'm back! happy hols! =)

Hi guys! Yeah, it is me again. Hmm..

So, it's Decemberrrrrrrrr!!
I know, you guys haven't heard from me for so longggggg.... where have I been?

I was just busy with all my assignments and projects and yes, DRAMA!! Drama onstage and drama offstage.
Okey, I'm now in a quite awful university, but with awesome new friends, especially my drama friends. I love them so much. ❤

But friends from my major course...they're ermm...some of them are nice. Others are just, not even friends..i mean i haven't consider them as my friends =P idk...i mean we know we are classmates, but never say hi or what shits. We ignore each other. And some of them, i never knew they exist and are in the same course with me. So, oh well... im not a friendly kind of person as well. Can't blame them for that.

I have a lot of things to share about my drama friends...so should i say family? They are all lovely. Sometimes i dont feel i fit in here...but, they do make me feel i do, sometimes...in a way...indirectly...without their notice... but i do enjoy hanging around with them. Yeeep! Damn, i can talk about each one of them..i can write a 10 pages essay about them, or even a book! Wootsss!! I can write a book about them and what we did in class and about our rehearsals to out big performance and about we share food and about....and about...there's too much to share! XD

But whatever it is, i hope to know that i exist im their eyes and life. I hope im not invisible to them. I hope they love me for who i am. I hope to inspire them like every each of them do.

What they never knew is they lifted me up. I've became more confident in my acting skills, it is all because of my gorgeous lecturer. I wanna start dancing again because some of them are dancers and yeah, they made my soul alive again. I wanna be brave to be able to sing in front of at least 2 people, cause they inspired me to. I wanna be able to speak or voice out, cause they taught me to...indirectly. i wanna thank them. Their existence made me a better person. I wanna keep moving forward. I wanna stop blaming myself.

What they never knew is what i can't tell them. All of these are what i wanna them to know. But, im just afraid they will listen now and forget about it tomorrow. That would be a fucking cycle of my pasts. Haha!

Oh wait! I thought this post is suppose to be about holidays! Haha! I'm so sorry.

And hmm...this holiday, I don't think I will be going anywhere.. my life is plain boring.

So, yeah..ermm.. HAPPY HOLIDAY! AND DO TAKE CARE! THANK YOU FOR READING MY LAME POST.

IF ANY OF YOU READ THIS POST TILL THIS VERY END, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, YOU ARE AWESOME! =P

And you care...