Monday, December 23, 2013

It's safer if you haven't text me at all

Hi guys! How are y'all doing?

I'm here right now, writing my blog cause my mind has jumbled up.

It was about 6pm when I looked at the text that he sent me..it was around 2pm?
I kinda had forgotten who he is cause I've deleted his phone number and all this text. Texts he'd written on papers, I've gotten rid some of them. He told me that he apologises for all the mess he'd done. Yeah, we've been ignoring each other all these time. That's the best thing we can go. I mean I can do after I'd pushed him away even though he told me that he'll try to wait. But it was less than a month or two. He found someone. They'd gotten along really well though there's some obstacles I know cause my friends told me so. It was kinda a childish problem..where the person who was close to the girl kinda threaten him by saying childish stuff. He's kinda the third person, but it wasn't his fault to fall for this girl. It's about the girl's choice. I told him before, and I hope he still remembers it.
so yeah, he's texted me and now my mind is really a mess right now. I don't know what to say. The funny this is..he said, " It's almost christmas, so i guess i'm brave enough to ask for apologise frm you".
What should I do? He apologised and asked me to do the same as well? Or was it me who think differently? Or am I correct? Or does he apologise cause it's almost christmas? Or does christmas needs apologies?

Oh God! It's better if he haven't text me or such.. I'm so lost right now.

Just now, before reading or knowing he would text me..my mind was thinking about my future, my life and how am I gonna improve my life and my family's.

If he's asking for forgiveness. He's asked the wrong person, cause I couldn't forgive him. I did push him away, but that doesn't mean my feeling is completely gone for a month or two. It hurts to see things I never expect to see. The toughest thing I have to do was to be tough in front of my friends and seeing my friends pretend too so that they won't hurt my feelings.

Why did I push him? Haha! cause I didn't trust his words he said. I've experienced such shits. And I was right..I never regret pushing him away..cause the result is clear after the one or two month.

Until now I have no idea what to say..Should I apologise cause I wanted to? or cause he asked for it?
I don't know! I don't know!


And the reason I'm putting this in my blog, it's because I don't wanna write it into my diary. It hurts to read it when I'm writing another problem of mine next time. I never wanna tell anyone about it, not my sis or my best friend(s). Never my mum.

Oh God..help me...
I don't wanna do this.
Why the fuck would he even text me? Asking for forgiveness because she told him to? Or was it because he's feeling guilty? Or was it because he's afraid of God's punishments? Or was it because he wanna be friends again? ( I know this won't be the reason tho)

I'd told him that I've forgotten everything and forgave him, but the fact is I'm too weak to do both of them. I'm so sorry. The anger hasn't fade yet.

I think I can forgive him for what he'd said to me..even the lies. But I can't forgive him on what I saw, when I was still.... I still can't.. I hate to see the guilty looks in my friends' faces..picking their words carefully or the 'oh no' looks they gave me when they accidently talked bout him..

Haha! What should I say? what should I reply him?

I'll feel guilty for not replying him..

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chased, escape..dreams.

Hi guys! =)

As my previous post stated that I'm gonna talk 'bout my dreams..

Yeah, the dreams that I'd dreamt because I was dreaming when I was dreaming. Haha! Annoyed? =p Who cares? Lets have fun!

So, I remembered of being chased and I was escaping from someone. No, I wasn't just a person, there were I think 3? 2 kids and 1 adult. The guy (adult) had (or was it have? ) a crush on my mum and I remembered that I wasn't really myself at that time and I told him that I'm gonna tell my mum about this. And he was nervous and wanna stop me. He was scared and looked like he'll do anything to stop me from exposing that secret of him. Oh, he told me that he had ( or have) and crush on my mum..that's how it'd started.
I quickly enter the car (my car) and try to drive away. Then there were 2 kids (?) trying to stop me. And I was really scared and try'na drive away as quick as I could. I remember telling myself that my driving skills are okey and has improved a lot..so it'll be smooth. But when I got to the main road..there were a lot of cars (like duhh) racing like hell. And I panicked. I didn't know if I'm gonna make it or not..If I'm gonna live or not. Cause the guy looked like he's gonna hurt me and the cars will kill me instantly if I wasn't cautious.. I have the fear until today.
Haha! I know it was a dream, but it'll bring a big impact to you..like falling from the stairs or buildings. Gosh, that feeling you got that'll wake you up. For sure.

Other dreams..I can't remember, but I knew that I was being chased too..cause you know the feeling you got. We tend to remember the feelings we feel when we were dreaming eventhough we'll forget the dreams. True or true? =p

The very recent one is..I was at the beach..having picnic I guess with I don't know who they are. I think they are my friends. I remember that I walked...keep walking. I don't know if I was trying to run away or trying to find something or someone. All I can remember is the sky..the sunset. I was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L! =) Really beautiful.


I'm doing my research right now and found out that being chased is because you're afraid to face the reality and have phobias or fears about or on something.

Links will be here:
www.dreamdictionary.org/common/chase-dreams/

dreamstop.com/chase-dreams/

It's all from the internet. They're good.
So I guess that's all! Haha! Thankyou so reading (if you're actually reading)

Thankyouu! =')

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyouu!

My very previous post, I've stated that I wanna reach 2000 total views. And I've exceeded 2000 just by that one post. Thank youu so much. I don't really care if you're interested in those random stuff I've written. Haha!
Thankyou again!

I bet there are some of my friends who helped me to reach my goal. Thank you guys! I think I know who you guys are. I really appreciate it =') Thank you and I love you guys!

I guess that's all on this post. I'll talk about the dreams that I've dreamt past few days and months in another post tho. So, hang on if you guys wanna know some more craps. Haha! =)

Oh, btw, I'm listening to 'Already Gone - Grey ( Kelly Clarkson )' haha! I'm on that mood right now.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Hi Hii Hiii~

Hi people! =D I'm so sorry for not updating you guys! Even thought you guys are not interested, but I'm just gonna tell you guys anyway! hahaha! I'm ill. And I have quite a few updates! x) Oh, sorry to be rude, but how are you guys? =)
So, lemme start from update no.1!

1) I've finished college! yay! but still waiting for my results which will be released around March? And this point will lead to no.2.

2) I haven't found any job(s) yet. I'll be having 8 months holiday...and I need money so bad! I need those money to spent on things that I want (not need). My parents never give me money for unnecessary things. haha! I'm happy, cause they made me independent =)

3)I've planned to create a new blog (I think I've said about this before tho) to put all (maybe) of my poems, cause I find it a shame to not share them to awesome people like you guys! =) oh, I'm gonna update you guys if I've created the blog.

4) My fav singer of The Voice has made to the top 3! @Will Champlin #Champs !! I love Tessanne Chin too tho!! xD

5) My dog has given birth to 7 wonderful puppies, but one has died. The six puppies, me and my sis have given them names..they are 'Froze', 'Buabua', ' Twinkle' , 'Obiz', 'Olaf' and 'Smix' hahaa! Cute, funny names =9 and yeah, 'Olaf' is from the cartoon 'Frozen'

6)I've planned to do a video to one of my poems too (I think I've mention about this too before).. It's bout raindrops. =)

7) I've made an Ask.fm account. Here it is : ask.fm/VLeaster ask me questions if you guys have nothing to do =D

8) I've started drawing again..weee haha!

9) Just let you guys know..no, I'm not in love, but lately, I'd have a crush on a guy who isn't my ideal type of guy..but, idk..We awkwarddddddddlyyyy made eye contact a few times, and I saw something in his eyes. Kindness and sincerity. That's why I have a crush on him. Oh, confused? I believe that 'falling in love' and 'having a crush' on someone aren't the same =) but we're impossible, so I think I'm just gonna let this crush go away (David Archuleta's song - crush playing hahaa!)

10) I have a driving license already! yay! but I seldom drive, cause it's stressing!!

11) The total number of viewers viewed my blog is 1907. And I've aimed to get 2000 total viewers before 31 dec 2013 at 00.00. haha! which also means before 1st of Jan! =9


so..11? yeah 11 updates! I think that's all for today. Take care guys =)