Hey guys! whatsup?
So yeah, last night I read my notes that I'd typed in my phone.
I typed those notes in my phone when I'm sad, angry and happy...
When song lyrics popped out of my mind and I don't have papers with me.
That phone has been with me for 5 years already, imagine how much it has gone through with me. It is always there for me.
I read those notes yesterday cause..I don't know.. I just feel like it.
I've realised that I've grown up already and have grown stronger tho, it's always the same thing that hurt me again and again...
...Parents, friends, almost lovers, words...
I've hated everything.
Parents? I don't like talking 'bout them. Do you guys have this feeling where you hated them so much, but in some ways you love them and know that you can't live without them?
Jerks say that they'll be here with me and all...but, they left, cause I've pushed them away.
Do I feel good for pushing them away? Yes. cause I won't know if they'll hurt me or not.
I used to have a crush on this guy, but when I knew he's gonna go to New Zealand for further studies, mu heart just crushed into pieces. I remembered that I watch as he walked up the stairs to the airport. And then, he's gone. Tears did flow silently. It's just a lame crush and I think this is the time when I really fell for someone.
I had a friend who've said that he'll be by my side, but he'd just gone. Left me really hurt and empty. He made me fell for him.. he said " I love you" every night before we sleep. But when I fell for him, he realised it and just left. He told me that he left because he doesn't want me to fall for him. What have I done? He shouldn't have done that to me or any others. I've cried the most for this guy. I hate him, but I miss him too. I bet he won't be hurt at all when me met that day with God's approval, while I was faking all the smiles and laughter. He's already used to it. I've ended our friendship 3 years ago cause I was hurt and I wanted to forget about him and move on. But I still can't.
I've when to a place with my dad and I met a guy. I mean I had crush on him. The day that we've last meet. I somehow like to look at him, but he never knew. And yeah, since it's that last day..I know I won't be seeing him anymore until today? If we were to meet, I don't think I'll remember his face. I've cried silently in the car cause..just my luck.
I have a friend, whom I worked with when I was still waiting my o level result and he'd helped my quite a lot. He knew my problems and I knew his. He bought me a blue bracelet to motivate and whenever I see the bracelet, I'll have to stop whatever the wrongs that I'm doing like..... Almost every night we'll text and we'll send like almost 100 texts in Fb inbox just to annoy each other. We'd played firecrackers with our other co-workers. I was amazing cause at that time, it was raining too. Now he's like in the west and I'm like in the east now. He's working and I'm still studying. So, we're not in touch at these times.
I have a friend where we've lost the feeling for each other already, but we are still friends until today. I'll always pretend that there's never anything happen between us. If I've chosen him instead of the another, I guess we'll already be together. I didn't choose his cause it seemed like he doesn't care. Behind his jerky and playboy attitude, I've found him funny and caring. He's actually not as what he seems.. I think. And yeah, I've cried for this guy.
I had a friend whom I've pushed away as well, cause I can't keep going with him by my side. I'm scared that I'll get hurt and I'm afraid to hurt him more. So, I've just kept pushing away. He let me go. I'm glad and I'm not..I don't know. But, less than a month I guess, he found someone already, while, I have not gotten over the pain. I've hid it well.He let me go cause he doesn't want our friendship to end. I've never wanted our friendship to end as well, but we're not talking anymore. Now, I never wanted to talk or see him at all.
I've tried to talk to him by texting him, but he didn't really reply and that's when I knew that something is going on and he's gone.Did I regret pushing him away? A big no no.
I've cried for him not just once but, I'm glad that I didn't accept him in the first place.
I have a friend who kinda hide the truth that he's already taken. He'd been kind and nice to me. I never knew he liked me until my friend told me. So, he has 2 Fb account and he'd given my friends another account and not the one he'd added me. So, I'm doing like an 'investigation'..I found out that he has a girl friend already and they've been together since 2011. I wasn't really shocked at all cause my another friend told me that he's already taken. I'm hurt at first, but I managed to get over it. Funny how that day (I didn't know the truth yet), he asked me to sit beside me. But I refused cause it's kinda awkward. Then, he asked 'you've rejected?'. I pretended that I can't hear what he'd said. He kept repeating, and I kept pretending. And yes, I kinda fell for his hidden 'kindness'. I'm really dumb.
So yeah, all of these shitty above..those are the ones that I had crush on and had dated, but never with them at all. I'm feeling stupid but quite relived right now.
I don't know whose fault at these mess?
Was it because I'm dumb or what?
Just a failure that I am.
